things aren't always as they seem...

lots of things have changed for me since i started my full time job.

one of the things that i've felt the MOST is the absence of 'MY' starbucks.

you see, 'MY' starbucks was like CHEERS to me.

where everybody knows your name.  where they're always glad you came.

'my' starbucks has HISTORY.

memories.

stories.

it's 'MY' starbucks. 

and i MISS it.

so today, on a rainy, sleeting, ick of a drive home, i decided that i would swing by.  

i pulled up to the shopping center and there were cop cars.  MULTIPLE cop cars.  parked outside.

now, the thing you should know is that the stores in 'MY' starbucks shopping center are as follows:

SOME DUDE SUIT STORE

GAMESTOP

SUBWAY

STARBUCKS

ABC LIQUOR STORE

HAIR SALON

MATTRESS SHOP

so, you could conceivably go shopping with your man, swing by and pick up an xbox game, grab yourself a five dolla' footlong, some coffee...pop in the liquor store and add some bailey's to that coffee, make a reeeeeeeally bad hair decision bc you really SHOULDN'T DRINK AND CUT...and then pass out at the mattress shop.

but anyhow.........

i've seen cop cars there before.  it's the liquor store.  liquor stores and cop cars just go together.  like macaroni and cheese.  like milk and cookies.  like teacups and saucers.  like mashed potatoes and gravy.

you know...LIKE THAT.

but here's the thing...

the cops weren't AT the liquor store.  they were standing guard blocking the doors of the beauty salon next door.  

weird right?  

so on my way out i HAD to ask.  because i'm me.  and that's what i do.  if there's a story, i wanna know.

the officers were not nearly as chatty as the average stranger (the average stranger, believe it or not, is actually quite chatty...at least once you get them to smile).

all i got out of them was that there was a threat...and they were there to offer their protection.

um, okay?

curiosity is killing me.  call me nancy drew but i need to know more.  

bet someone at 'MY' starbucks will have the scoop tomorrow.  you KNOW i'm going back, right?  :)

lost & found

it's been a day to remember.

 first thing this morning i found out that the grant proposal i submitted at my new job was approved to the tune of almost $7,700.

 later i had appointments for a dermatology visit and my first ever mammogram.  i told my daughter it's a sick, sick world we live in where i should have to PAY SOMEONE to look at my naked body and take pictures of my naked boobs.

anyhow, i came home and was starving.  since i don't have a wife to cook for me (lol) i opted for some golden grahams. i opened the box and went to pour some in my bowl. that's when i noticed something odd in the box. as i looked closer i realized it's a very special leather cuff bracelet that i got last year for Christmas.  a gift to me, from me :)

I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW IT WAS LOST, BUT I AM OH-SO-GLAD TO HAVE FOUND IT!

the quote has significant meaning to me. it comes from the following Tolkien passage:

All that is gold does not glitter,
Not all those who wander are lost;
The old that is strong does not wither,
Deep roots are not reached by the frost.
From the ashes a fire shall be woken,
A light from the shadows shall spring;
Renewed shall be blade that was broken,
The crownless again shall be king.

J.R.R. Tolkien, The Fellowship of the Ring

 my name is Wendy.  wendy means wanderer.  i used to HATE that...all that it implies.  lost.  wandering.  it conjures up images of chaos...that feeling when you're out there on the road...and you don't know where you are...and there ARE NO ROAD SIGNS...no map, no GPS.  you're just LOST.  alone.  WANDERING.  Wendy.

i've spent much of my life feeling that way.  but a few years ago i stumbled across this awesome quote from Tolkien.  and it changed the way i view my name.

yes.  i have wandered.
yes.  i am a wanderer.
but i am a wanderer with purpose.
i purposefully wander.
and that's not such a bad thing.

but sometimes, even so, i've felt lost.
aimless.
wondering who i am, where i am.
wondering if I should have turned left.
or right.
sometimes it has literally scared me to the point of being paralyzed.
i've LOST YEARS being frozen.
afraid to make a wrong move...
any move.

at a certain point you realize...if you don't move, you'll die.
right where you are.
so you stir up hope.
you tell yourself it's time.
you pray for discernment.
you pray for courage.
and you set out on the path again.

this is where i find myself.

i may appear to have wandered.
i may appear to be wandering.
but i still have purpose.
and i'm beginning to find my way again.

i saw the following quote last week and it really spoke to me.

and so as i finish out my day, i'm left feeling thankful.

THANKFUL to not be lost.
THANKFUL for things found.
THANKFUL for the discovery of things I didn't even realize were missing.

it's definitely been a day to remember.