reflections

it's been a long winter...not just here in virginia beach, but across the country.  this winter was TERRIBLE.  never ending.  or so it seemed.  unpredictable.  last sunday i walked on the beach barefoot, drove with the convertible top down...by that evening all schools were cancelled and by morning the next couple days we were home because of snow and ice.

today is daylight savings time.  an extra hour.  and the sun was shining.  i used the first bonus hour of the year to take maya for a walk.  she may not move til morning.  i normally listen to music.  not tonight.  i used that quiet.  to think.  to process.  to reflect.

my life has felt a lot like this long winter...periods of cold, dark, grey...some things are just too personal to share.  but i can and will say that spring is here.  it's been a long journey, full of unexpected realizations:  i am stronger than i ever dreamed.  i am not defined by what others see in me (or what they don't see in me).  i am creative.  i am hopeful.  i am happy.  i am moving forward.  step by step.  day by day.  month by month.  and i feel good (cue the james brown music).

today not only marks daylight savings time but it also marks a decade since a very dear friend was in what ended up being a fatal car accident.  she was on her way to my house...for a surprise baby shower she had planned for the birth of my youngest...and she didn't make it there.  the memory of that will never fade.

but what will ALSO never fade are the other memories.  as i have reflected today, i think if i had to use one word to describe debbie it would be GRACE.  this woman taught me about grace and it DEFIED every perception i had of family, of friends, of God.  her friendship, and the grace she encouraged me to extend to myself...changed my life.  forever.

i'll never forget the night that i let my vulnerability show.  it was the beginning of a BEAUTIFUL story.  i was struggling...little did she realize just how much...and she suggested i take a walk every night.  the suggestion brought me to immediate tears.  what she didn't realize was that i was paralyzed by fear.  afraid to even go for a walk around the block.  her suggestion...and the trust that i felt with her...exposed the whole thing.   and my secret was out.  she started coming over, spending time with me.  talking.  listening.  encouraging.  extending grace.  she asked if we could use my home as a meeting place for a small group of women...because it was the 'perfect location.'  (really it was just that she knew it was the only way to ensure i'd faithfully attend).  and this small group of women met every other tuesday...for YEARS.  we spent 9/11 together.  and we spent the morning of her car accident together...waiting for her to arrive...and she never did.

if you know me AT ALL...even the teensiest bit...then you realize how much of a contrast there is between that scared young mom and the adventurous old mom that i am now (lol).   that paralyzed woman traveled to africa...TWICE...within two years of that confession.  she had two more children (call me crazy, i know...i know).  she moved across the country...twice (rolling eyes).  survived truck fires and hurricanes...and her story isn't over.

debbie was 47 when she passed away.  i am 47 today.  she lived life to it's fullest.  EVERY single day.  i didn't then.  but i learned to. and i continue to.  

tonight's walk had me thinking...about how much has changed in those ten years.  everything.  EVERYTHING HAS CHANGED.  family has changed.  friends have changed.  i have changed.  but God...and his GRACE...they never change.

and for that i am thankful. 

moving forward with hope and grace...and peace.

Did you KNOW that when you move to Virginia you have 30 days to change your driver’s license over?  I found out last October when a kind policeman was nice enough to inform me.  I wasn’t ticketed for this violation and I went along my merry way.

Wouldn’t you know ANOTHER nice policeman told me the SAME THING a few weeks ago?  LOL.  And again, no ticket.  But I figured I’d better actually make a visit to the DMV.  My license was set to expire next week so it was now or never.

I waited.  And waited.  And then I waited some more.  Finally it was my turn.  A16.  I went to the counter and a lovely lady who MUST have been going to a meeting of the RED HAT SOCIETY was smiling at me, wearing her bright purple shirt and her red pants.  She was smiling at me...

Smiles!  At the DMV!  This doesn’t happen in the Yankee states.  I had brought along documentation of pretty much everything I’ve ever done in my lifetime.  Birth Certificate, first tooth lost, lock of hair, picture of my first boyfriend, high school yearbook, a letter of recommendation from my third grade librarian, and a recent blood sample.  I knew I was all set.

She thoroughly examined each piece of identification.  And then she got to my expired passport.   She looked at it.  She looked at me.  She looked at it again.  And then she looked back up at me.  She pushed her reading glasses up on top of her short silver hair and said, “Honey, don’t ever go back to blonde.  The red suits you.”

For the first time in my life, I do believe I wanted to just hang out with the clerk behind the counter. 

She input all the info and then said, “Have you held a Virginia license before?” And I said yes.  This was not one of the 3,592 questions on the form I’d already filled out.  I asked her why.  She said that she had a picture of someone who kind of looked like me from years ago.

I asked her if I could see it.   She turned the screen and there I was.  Young me.  She said, “What were you?  Twelve?”  and started laughing.  Funny thing is I remember that day.  I remember the sweater.  The DMV.  Where I lived.  I was 25.

Again, she said “Don’t go back to the blonde.  Now, back up to that screen and let’s get a new picture of you.”

She took the photo and then said, “Now let’s replace that girl…WHAT DID SHE KNOW ANYHOW?  Let’s get you out of here a little older, a little wiser.”

Sounds good to me lady.  Sounds good to me.

hi. my name is wendy. and yes, i'm still alive :)

i started a new job. 
(half a year ago).
it's full time.
i love it. 
 but it's the first FULL TIME job i've had (aside from raising four kids which certainly goes BEYOND full time). anyhow, i've been a little busy so pardon my lack of blogging. 

this morning i ALMOST didn't go to church. i was tired. some obnoxious apartment dwellers across the courtyard decided to have a knock down drag out in the middle of the night. which resulted in carson & hudson climbing in bed with me. which resulted in me getting kicked, rolled over on, whacked by random arms...etc.

SO I WAS EXHAUSTED. and ALMOST blew it off.
glad i didn't. 
still a relatively new church for us.
i met the associate pastor one evening when i attended a dave ramsey course, carson & hudson in tow. he was really sweet and offered up his office (with cartoons on the tv) as a hang out for the boys. good guy. but i'd never heard him speak. until today.
and i have to say, WOW DUDE. great message. i'm glad i opted in. 

the message was entitled HARDWIRED: DISCOVERING THE ME YOU WERE CREATED TO BE.

and it started with THIS clip...TOTALLY worth watching if you haven't already seen it.
 

he went on to talk about two of my FAVORITE parts of the bible...and that's one big book (trust me, i went to christian high school and we had to memorize all the books in order from front to back...and i may or MAY not have cheated on my final exam in Bible class...and it's something that STILL haunts me. who CHEATS ON A BIBLE TEST???? uh, that would be me, who also received the highest christian character award at graduation. i'm sure that this is going to be shown on the big screen when i get to heaven...IF i get to heaven...i mean, I CHEATED ON MY BIBLE EXAM. lol).

anyhoooooooow... he spoke from psalm 139. my favorite chapter EVER in the bible. it helps me make sense of my life...my life that i'm pretty sure NO THERAPIST OUT THERE could ever FULLY help me make sense of LOL... how God knows who i am. and, um, i'm kind of complicated. majorly weird. and definitely not wired like the average bear.

anyhow, he also spoke on DAVID AND GOLIATH...and so much of what he shared brought me back (again...) to some thoughts i previously blogged about regarding little David and the GIANT that he was facing. God knows the giants i face. he knows my heart. he knows my thoughts (how he has ANY time for ANYONE ELSE at the rate my mind moves, i have no clue LOL). he knows my hopes. he knows my dreams. he knows me FULL WELL. and he loves me still. here's my previous blog from february 2011 regarding Davey & the Giant.

****************

(G is for GOLIATH, GIANT from GATH)...it's been awhile since i've read the story of david & goliath...but sunday i re-read it and was struck by some things in the story that give me some hope...some encouragement...as i face the giants in my own life.

here's a completely paraphrased version :) there's this huuuuge giant named goliath...he's almost ten feet tall. his armor alone weighs over 126 pounds. good golly. this is one tough dude, right? 

he starts picking on the israelites & wants one of them to have courage enough to fight him. if he wins, he & his posse own the israelites. but if they take HIM down, they get to be top dog.

meanwhile, there's this family whose mother was brave enough to have EIGHT boys (no telling how many girls were born in between those boys...hats off to her...can you EVEN imagine?).

a bunch of the brothers are off to war and are in the camp that is being challenged by the giant. david is the youngest. he stays home & helps his dad take care of the sheep...one day dad tells david that he wants him to take some cheese & bread down to the brothers & their commanders. when the father asked david, he set out to go RIGHT AWAY. he even was responsible enough to make sure someone took over his chores while he was gone...(doesn't sound much like the youngest around these parts LOL).

the giant has been taunting these guys for forty days when little david shows up. the brothers are annoyed by david's arrival and think he's shown up just for a front row seat to the blood & gore.

nope. instead, david goes to the head honcho & says he'll take the giant down...he's fought bears & lions to protect the sheep...he can handle this guy. the king thinks he's crazy but lets him. what do they have to lose, right? the king wants david to be safe and makes david put on his armor. it's waaay too awkward. david says NO WAY and goes & picks out five stones and goes off to fight goliath.

of course, the giant thinks this is laughable.
til david whacks him in the head with the very first rock.
down.
dead.
david uses goliath's own sword to cut the giant's head off.

and i'm a little grossed out by the fact that david totes that head around with him for the rest of the story...JUST LIKE A BOY. lol.

sooooooo, what on earth does this have to do with anything? well, several things struck me (not as hard as the rock that struck goliath...hee hee). 

when david's father asked him to run some food over to his brothers and check in on them, he DID IT. he didn't question his dad. he didn't whine...didn't grumble about the inconvenience of it. he just DID it.

he arrived JUST IN TIME. he got there RIGHT when he needed to. he THOUGHT he was going for a mundane task...but GOD KNEW that there was a purpose for this young boy.

his brothers rolled their eyes at him...they judged his motives...they questioned his judgement.

when david said he was going to step out and do this, others tried to give him their advice...tried to protect him...tried to get him to armor up...but what worked for THEM was AWKWARD for david...he was not comfortable in another man's armor...it wasn't who he was.

david took the things that came naturally to him and went with that. he knew who he was...what his strengths were...he took all that had been put into him over his lifetime and trusted that God would give him the strength and protection he needed. 

he knocked goliath out with the FIRST rock.
he was MORE than prepared for the task he had to do.
he went into the battle with everything he needed and MORE. 
MORE. 
he had MORE THAN HE NEEDED.
extra rocks!

this really speaks to me. we are facing this move...this HUGE HUGE HUGE move for our family, our kids...and i want to be more like david... i want to trust that God has prepared our family for this...that he KNOWS what we need...and that if we rely on HIM, that he will GET US WHERE WE NEED TO BE, at the time we need to be there, FOR THE PURPOSES HE HAS FOR US. and what works for some may not for others. we have background, history, that is personalized just for us. and we have to trust that the God who has brought us to this point is going to go before us on this next phase of the journey.

just one thing, please, God: the bread & cheese part sounds quite lovely but i really don't want to have to carry around any dead carcasses.

 "All those gathered here will know that it is not by sword or spear that the Lord saves; for the battle is the Lord's, and he will give all of you into our hands." 1 Samuel 17:47

things aren't always as they seem...

lots of things have changed for me since i started my full time job.

one of the things that i've felt the MOST is the absence of 'MY' starbucks.

you see, 'MY' starbucks was like CHEERS to me.

where everybody knows your name.  where they're always glad you came.

'my' starbucks has HISTORY.

memories.

stories.

it's 'MY' starbucks. 

and i MISS it.

so today, on a rainy, sleeting, ick of a drive home, i decided that i would swing by.  

i pulled up to the shopping center and there were cop cars.  MULTIPLE cop cars.  parked outside.

now, the thing you should know is that the stores in 'MY' starbucks shopping center are as follows:

SOME DUDE SUIT STORE

GAMESTOP

SUBWAY

STARBUCKS

ABC LIQUOR STORE

HAIR SALON

MATTRESS SHOP

so, you could conceivably go shopping with your man, swing by and pick up an xbox game, grab yourself a five dolla' footlong, some coffee...pop in the liquor store and add some bailey's to that coffee, make a reeeeeeeally bad hair decision bc you really SHOULDN'T DRINK AND CUT...and then pass out at the mattress shop.

but anyhow.........

i've seen cop cars there before.  it's the liquor store.  liquor stores and cop cars just go together.  like macaroni and cheese.  like milk and cookies.  like teacups and saucers.  like mashed potatoes and gravy.

you know...LIKE THAT.

but here's the thing...

the cops weren't AT the liquor store.  they were standing guard blocking the doors of the beauty salon next door.  

weird right?  

so on my way out i HAD to ask.  because i'm me.  and that's what i do.  if there's a story, i wanna know.

the officers were not nearly as chatty as the average stranger (the average stranger, believe it or not, is actually quite chatty...at least once you get them to smile).

all i got out of them was that there was a threat...and they were there to offer their protection.

um, okay?

curiosity is killing me.  call me nancy drew but i need to know more.  

bet someone at 'MY' starbucks will have the scoop tomorrow.  you KNOW i'm going back, right?  :)

lost & found

it's been a day to remember.

 first thing this morning i found out that the grant proposal i submitted at my new job was approved to the tune of almost $7,700.

 later i had appointments for a dermatology visit and my first ever mammogram.  i told my daughter it's a sick, sick world we live in where i should have to PAY SOMEONE to look at my naked body and take pictures of my naked boobs.

anyhow, i came home and was starving.  since i don't have a wife to cook for me (lol) i opted for some golden grahams. i opened the box and went to pour some in my bowl. that's when i noticed something odd in the box. as i looked closer i realized it's a very special leather cuff bracelet that i got last year for Christmas.  a gift to me, from me :)

I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW IT WAS LOST, BUT I AM OH-SO-GLAD TO HAVE FOUND IT!

the quote has significant meaning to me. it comes from the following Tolkien passage:

All that is gold does not glitter,
Not all those who wander are lost;
The old that is strong does not wither,
Deep roots are not reached by the frost.
From the ashes a fire shall be woken,
A light from the shadows shall spring;
Renewed shall be blade that was broken,
The crownless again shall be king.

J.R.R. Tolkien, The Fellowship of the Ring

 my name is Wendy.  wendy means wanderer.  i used to HATE that...all that it implies.  lost.  wandering.  it conjures up images of chaos...that feeling when you're out there on the road...and you don't know where you are...and there ARE NO ROAD SIGNS...no map, no GPS.  you're just LOST.  alone.  WANDERING.  Wendy.

i've spent much of my life feeling that way.  but a few years ago i stumbled across this awesome quote from Tolkien.  and it changed the way i view my name.

yes.  i have wandered.
yes.  i am a wanderer.
but i am a wanderer with purpose.
i purposefully wander.
and that's not such a bad thing.

but sometimes, even so, i've felt lost.
aimless.
wondering who i am, where i am.
wondering if I should have turned left.
or right.
sometimes it has literally scared me to the point of being paralyzed.
i've LOST YEARS being frozen.
afraid to make a wrong move...
any move.

at a certain point you realize...if you don't move, you'll die.
right where you are.
so you stir up hope.
you tell yourself it's time.
you pray for discernment.
you pray for courage.
and you set out on the path again.

this is where i find myself.

i may appear to have wandered.
i may appear to be wandering.
but i still have purpose.
and i'm beginning to find my way again.

i saw the following quote last week and it really spoke to me.

and so as i finish out my day, i'm left feeling thankful.

THANKFUL to not be lost.
THANKFUL for things found.
THANKFUL for the discovery of things I didn't even realize were missing.

it's definitely been a day to remember.

i should know by now not to be surprised...

so many times 'random' things have happened over the course of my lifetime.  sometimes they are little things.  sometimes they are big things.  but RANDOM is the thread that holds my unstitched life together.

in order to share my most recent 'random blessing' i have to back track a little.  i'll keep the background short and sweet.

fall of 2009 -- bobby was laid off from his job at a large church in texas

winter of 2009 -- we begin holding 'house church' in our home every week with church project...we explore what it is that each of us can bring to the table to change the world around us

january 2010 -- haiti earthquake shakes the world

************

the images were devastating.  hard to comprehend.  sure, life was challenging as we tried to regroup after a job loss.  but in the grand scheme of things WE HAD EVERYTHING AND MORE THAT WE COULD POSSIBLY NEED.

i wanted desperately to DO SOMETHING.  i needed desperately to DO SOMETHING.  i had no finances to DO ANYTHING.

but one night while i tried to sleep, i heard the whisper...not audible...i'm not THAT crazy LOL.  but i heard the whisper in my heart.  YOUR COACH PURSE.  SELL IT.

and that's exactly what i did.  NOW, if you know me at ALL then you know that my coach purse was purchased at a ridiculously clearanced price...and you also would suspect that my coach purse was not your run of the mill conservative classic coach purse.  NO WAY.  mine was leopard print.  because that's how i roll.

check out the cheetah chairs in this photo of one of our house church meetings.  I LOVE ANIMAL PRINT. it makes me happy.

anyhow, my crazy leopard print, bargain priced (hmmmm...do you think the print had anything to do with the mark downs?  lol)...went for MORE than i paid for it on ebay.  and i was able to make a donation to haiti...

creative giving, right?  

and you know what?  NO REGRETS.  not a single one.  i haven't missed that bag.  i enjoyed it while i had it.  but i knew that it made a difference.

FAST FORWARD to friday.  

my last day at hallmark before i start my new job tomorrow morning.  (gasp.  I.START.MY.NEW.JOB.TOMORROW.MORNING!!!!!).

i had the pleasure of working with THEEEEE sweetest british girl at hallmark.  i adored her.  one of the most genuine and caring people i have ever met (and you know me...i'll talk to ANYONE and have met a gazillion people in the last week alone LOL).

anyhow, she loves animal print.  and hello kitty.  they are both her signature.

i came into work on friday morning and she had the day off.  but i noticed that on the employee table she had left her bag.  i called her at home...dreading having to wake her...but knowing she might be looking for it.

she left it there for me.  she purchased a new purse and thought i might like to have it.

not only was it the bag...but it was the wristlet...and the wallet...

all...

you guessed it...

coach animal print.

SERIOUSLY????????  

i love this crazy random life.  i love the surprise sunshine blessings during a really cloudy dismal season.

my new bag (and accessories) made their debut this morning at church.  as always, i shall hold them loosely.

but i hold them with a smile...

give and it shall be given back to you...

sometimes in ways that are far different from how you originally gave.  but sometimes so very similar.

i.am.blessed.

xoxo.

the fabulous baker boys...well, one of them anyhow...

one of the coolest things about being a mom is watching your children change...

try new things...like sushi...and roasted veggies...oh wait a minute...my kids don't try that kind of stuff...

let me start again...

try new things...like sports, hobbies, foreign languages (carson has signed up for japanese for next year...heaven help us all).

and then watching as some of those things turn into loves...and some of them turn into 'why did we do this?  no you can't quit.  finish out the season and you'll never have to do it again' (yes, austin i'm referring to the longest t-ball season EVER) lol.

jordan's interest in photography has been influenced greatly by stacey, the creative genius behind rowan & lucky photography.  first, cheesing it up on the model side...then getting more curious about the OTHER side...she's worked with stacey on photo shoots, helping her with lights & equipment.  and i think it was sometime in fifth grade when she declared she'd like to be a photo-GRAPH-er when she grew up.

she STILL doesn't know what she wants to be...but she CAN pronounce photographer correctly now.  so that's a start.

she's been experimenting with friends lately...and yesterday she did a super cool shoot with a super cool senior, a super cool vintage jeep and a super cool backdrop...even though the beach was crazy foggy for most of it.

here are some of my fave pics she took:

i love this girl.  i love how she attacks life.  now...if only i could get her to attack her room with the same energy level :)

another day, another random moment...

if random becomes my normal, does that mean that random isn't random anymore?

because seriously...the random stuff just keeps coming.

one of my favorite memories of texas is the time spent at interfaith of the woodlands...where i served as an event coordinator for senior citizens...partying, crafting, chatting with women who have lived their lives & oh, do they have stories to tell...and if you sit and listen long enough, they WILL tell you.

my FAVORITE FAVORITE FAVORITE sweet lady was/is janet.  from the moment i first met her i just bonded with her.  she had laughter in her eyes...she loved life...and i felt such a connection with her.

i moved.  i told her i'd keep in touch.  and i didn't.  life just got busy...and before i realized it, so much time had passed.  last year i ended up not sending out christmas cards...but THIS year, i sent a few.  and one of those was addressed to janet.

meanwhile, january 2 i logged on to the computer and searched classifieds...i've been working full time in my current retail position...and i DO love it.  but the reality is that if i'm going to work full time, i really need my paycheck to reflect the time spent away from my children...and it doesn't.  it's a GREAT job.  a GREAT company.  and i love it.  but i need more.

a job had JUST been posted...and it caught my eye.  EVENTS COORDINATOR for a community...planning things for seniors...and youth...with a touch of admin on the side...and experience working for nonprofits would be a plus.   it was like the job description was written just for me.

TURNS OUT IT WAS.  i just got home from my 'interview' which included paperwork for drug testing, an official job offer, etc. etc.

i'm excited to be heading back into my element...and hoping that it's a good fit...a little nervous about a new beginning...new people...new surroundings...which is normal...at least it is for me...

and i came home carrying dinner in my hands and those nervous thoughts on my mind...

laying on the table was a letter.

from janet.

sharing how she was thankful for our friendship and missed me.   she told me to keep smiling...to stay healthy...

the nervous thoughts fall off...the smile returns...

and i'm ready as i can be to step into this new season.

wish me luck.

xoxo.

so i said i wasn't a quitter...

on the twenty eighth day of thirty days of thanksgiving.

and never came back to finish the thirty days.

DOES ANYONE ELSE FIND THIS AS HILARIOUS AS I DO?

i didn't even realize it until just now.

so let me wrap the month of november up by saying that i am thankful that carson guy lee came into our lives on november 30.  he is ONE OF A KIND and is one of the most complex little people i've ever had the challenge to (attempt to) raise.  check in with me in another ten years and maybe i'll have a better feel for how it's going.

TONIGHT, IT'S HARD TO BELIEVE I'M ABOUT TO TYPE THIS OUT...BUT HERE IT COMES:

I AM THANKFUL FOR THIRD GRADE HOLIDAY MUSICAL PRODUCTIONS.

there.  i said it.  honestly, if you'd ever told me i'd say that out loud or type it for the world (or my two blog readers) to read i wouldn't have believed you.

but OH HOW BLESSED AM I to be able to watch hudson stand up on a stage in crowded school auditorium, singing and playing candy cane air guitar...surrounded by his friends & teachers...

meanwhile families in connecticut grieve (as do we) the loss of innocent children.  for absolutely no reason.

so not a single word of complaint from these lips (or fingers) tonight.  i enjoyed every little moment of watching these kids sing their little hearts out.  the one that made me laugh the most was a little white boy who was in the group celebrating kwanza.  poor kid had absolutely NO rhythm.  and it was hard not to snort.  in fact, i did.  quietly.  and got elbowed promptly to knock it off.

it's not november.  but i'm still thankful.

life isn't perfect.  life isn't fair.  life isn't easy.

but life is LIFE.  and every moment is to be cherished & celebrated.

so tonight i celebrate life.  and grieve the loss of it with the rest of the world.

heaven help us all.

30 days of thanks, DAY 28.

tonight i am thankful for the encouragement of friends...

i'm thankful that i'm not a quitter.

i'm thankful that through the years, no matter WHAT has been thrown my way, i have had the tenacity to just keep fighting.

that strength is nothing i can take credit for.  i believe it is a god given gift...something he knew i was going to need from an early age.  i'm so thankful for that.  it truly is a gift that i do not take for granted.

yesterday my boss said something to me that i really wasn't sure how to take...

she said that in her lifetime she's only met a handful of people who have this 'magic' quality of being able to engage people the way that i do.  that if there is anyone who has 'schmooze power' it's me...

i was like, 'um, is that supposed to be a compliment?'  

LOLOLOL.

she insists that it was...and that she's glad that i choose to use my 'power' for good and not evil.

HA HA HA HA HA.

it's truly just an ability to be genuinely interested in other people, to want to make THEIR day better, brighter.  while i don't believe that i have magical powers (LOL), i DO believe that there are incredibly magical powers in a smile :)

and through the years i have CHOSEN to smile.  

in fact, i'm smiling as i type this.

i love life.  i love the people that i meet every day.   some people are only there for a moment (like the little old lady who slapped my hiney yesterday in starbucks LOL)...and some of you have been around for what feels like forever...and have NOT slapped my hiney...in starbucks or anywhere else LOL.  i'm thankful for that too :)

thanks for traveling this road with me.  thanks for encouraging me, for believing in me, for giving me reasons to smile.

and since this post is sort of 'magical' here's one of my fave random pics i've ever captured...i spotted this truck on laskin road and it was during a time where i thought 'YEP, I COULD DEFINITELY USE A LITTLE 'ELFIN' MAGIC ABOUT NOW.'

and maybe a cookie too :)

30 days of thankfulness. DAYS 26 & 27.

i am thankful for robert redford.  

yep.  that's right.  i mean i am certain there are LOTS of women out there who are thankful for ol' blue eyes...but not necessarily for the same reasons that i am.

in 1969...when i was just a wee lass (shocking, i know...you didn't think i was even BORN yet, right?????? -- shake your head yes in agreement to this if you really, really love me ;)  

anyhow, in 1969 mr. redford purchased land in utah...and a dream began to unravel.  SUNDANCE.

you film people will think movies.  you fashion & design people will think CATALOG.  i sooooo look forward to the arrival of my sundance catalog. http://www.sundancecatalog.com/category/customer+service/about+us.do  it is filled with ideas...and inspiration...and things that i will never in this lifetime be able to afford.

BUT IT INSPIRES MY CREATIVITY...and i'm able to draw from it...IT'S LIKE ROBERT REDFORD CAN SEE INSIDE MY MIND...AND HE DESIGNS ALL OF THIS STUFF JUST FOR ME.

well, everything except maybe for this one thing.  I THINK HE'S LOST HIS MIND ON THE UDDER HAT.  they SAY it's utterly fabulous.  i think it's UTTERLY ridiculous.  if you have an extra $98 you can have 'WHIMSY, WARMTH, ATTENTION GUARANTEED.'

i don't think i want attention for having a bunch of cow nipples on my head.  REALLY, REDFORD?

look at the model.  i think they got her plastered before they put this hat on her.  in fact, i don't even think she REALIZES what is going on.

BUT ON A MORE SERIOUS NOTE, many MANY years ago i saw a  ring in the sundance catalog that i thought was SO NEAT.  it was called a WALKING LIBERTY ring.   they don't call it the same thing any more but still offer something similar.  it is a silver band made from a half dollar coin.  IF YOU PURCHASE IT FROM SUNDANCE, that HALF DOLLAR will cost you ONE HUNDRED TWENTY.  plus shipping.  but who's counting, right?

this spring, i really REALLY wanted to come up with something special for austin for his high school graduation gift.  i wanted it to be an heirloom, with MONUMENTAL meaning.  but it had to be REALLY REALLY REALLY cheap.  lol.  who better than me to tackle that, right?

i found a craftswoman on etsy who was able to do the ring for me for way, way, WAAAAY less.

it has MULTIPLE LAYERS OF MEANING.

1.  he's attending liberty university.  enough said.

2.  around the ring it has the words from the coin:  IN GOD WE TRUST.

3.  i searched through the bible and looked at a gazillion different scripture references that would coincide with the years that this coin was made...i ended up purchasing him the 1945 ring.  when he opened it, i told him to look up PSALM 19:45.  guess what????  there IS NO psalm 19:45.  hee hee.  but then i had him turn to psalm 119:45.  check out what it says:  And I will walk at liberty,
For I seek Your precepts.

HOW FREAKING COOOOOOOOL IS THAT?????  he is literally walking at liberty...and walking IN liberty. 

so dear mr. redford, you had no idea when you purchased that land in utah back in '69 that you were going to inspire a gift that would be cherished forever.

THANK YOU.  i was also going to say that i think it's really awesome that you give so much money away through your spaghetti sauce...but i'm pretty sure that's paul newman?  

in any case, you boff have FABULOUS blue eyes that a girl could just get lost in ;)

30 days of thanks. DAY 25.

the thankfulness from yesterday has sort of carried itself over into today.

leah spent the night and today jordan & i escorted her all over greater tidewater, capturing her beauty in unique settings.

i am thankful that she trusted us when we told her we wanted her to be a woodlands fairy...and romp around in the leaves in an evening gown...she wasn't sure about this...BUT OMG LOOK AT HER!

we had a blast.  

we laughed a lot.  

we made some memories.  

 

 we captured 'today' forever.

  i am thankful for the different abilities that each of my children has within them.  the creativity comes out in different forms.  i am thankful for jordan's ability to use that creativity to capture leah so uniquely, so perfectly.

 leah, thank you for sharing your day with us.  you added a sparkle to my day.  love you!

30 days of thanksgiving. DAY 24.

if i could come up with a phrase to explain today it would be this:

EMOTIONAL SANDWICH.

you see, it started with holding back some tears as i said goodbye to austin.  we had a super great visit but he's headed back to liberty university to finish up his very first semester.    

while the day may have started fighting tears while i embraced austin, it has ended embracing laughter.

with my daughters.

yes.  plural.

and why why WHHHHYYYYYY are daughter and laughter spelled exactly the same except for the first letter but they don't rhyme?  explain this please.  or don't.  i don't really care.  i just think it's weird.  so there you go.

anyhow, my sweet daughter LEAH drove up from north carolina tonight.  she and jordan have all sorts of plans...christmas movies, hot cocoa...with extra marshmallows...ice skating tomorrow...and a senior picture photo shoot for leah...

they invited me to go shopping with them so we could find some stuff for the session tomorrow.  leah thinks that she and jordan were switched at birth and that she is TRULY my birth daughter.  i'm starting to believe this might be true.  lol.  

 i love these girls.  i love my boys too.

i'm thankful for hellos.  and goodbyes.

  today i am thankful for emotions.  they tell me i am alive.  i'd rather FEEL the ups and downs than to feel nothing at all.

xoxo.

30 days of thanksgiving. DAY 23.

i'm thankful that there is NOTHING that i needed or wanted enough to have to brave the BLACK FRIDAY crowds.

i'm also thankful that even though i'm working retail this holiday season, it isn't someplace that was swamped.  hallmark didn't even have extended hours.  overall, it was a productive, yet peaceful, day.

when i returned home, the children were excited to tell me that a package had arrived for me and carson.

and that brings me to day TWENTY THREE.  i am thankful for MISS TERRI.  i'm actually thankful for miss terri every day...but today i have SPECIAL thanks to share with her.

i am humbled and so touched by the kindness and love which this woman bestows on me and on my children.

terri, you have a heart of gold.  i love how you LOVE people.  i love how thoughtful you are.  i love how you are always encouraging, always believing, always cheering on...always.

jordan took a few pics while carson and i opened our birthday presents.  the charms for my bracelet are just PERFECT and have so much meaning!!!!!!  PEACE, LOVE, PINK...and texas and virginia too.  BIG BIG SMILE as i type this.  i LOVE them!!!!!!!!  

 and carson is sooooooooo excited to fly his helicopter!   it even matches his outfit today!!!!

 i adore you.  my family adores you.  i am so thankful to have you in my life.  i am so very glad that our paths crossed so many years ago.  and i will NEVER forget your cross country journey from san francisco to houston to meet us.

i love you.  i am thankful for you.  and i hope that this coming year brings you more joy than you can possibly stand for all the joy that you have given us.

and if you WANT to set up a meeting where i can be in the next picture with blake shelton you know i'd be okay with that, right?  TEAM BLAKE, BABY!

xoxo.

30 days of thanksgiving, DAY 22, TURKEY DAY

truth be told, i have woken up SEVERAL times this morning.  first when carson climbed into bed to snuggle with me at some ungodly hour of the morning.  then again when he was snoring in my ear.  then again when he kicked me in the side...you get the idea.  at one point he was sleeping so peacefully (and i was not) that i actually reached over to grab my phone and took a pic...at least ONE of us was sleeping.

but when i actually INTENTIONALLY woke up it was to turn on the macy's day thanksgiving parade.  

my sweet future daughter in law RACHEL is marching in it this morning.  keep your eyes out for the OAK RIDGE HIGH SCHOOL MARCHING BAND.  have fun rach!!!!  i can only IMAGINE you in new york city.  the big apple will never be the same.  you need to meet my future adopted (daughter) jovan.  the two of you would have so much fun together LOL.

anyhow, minutes into the parade THE SESAME STREET float came through.  BIG BIRD!!!!!!!

and it made me smile.  you see, BIG BIRD has ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS reminded me of my grandmother on my father's side.  and for the longest time i couldn't figure out WHY.  i mean, seriously????

but then at some point the memories came together.  grandma loved to swim.  and she had lots of bathing caps she'd wear.  the one i OBVIOUSLY remember the most was a yellow flower petal one.  and THERE YOU GO.  grandma = big bird.  forever in my mind.

it's a happy memory.  a memory that makes me smile.  my brother says that i sound just like my grandma when we talk on the phone.  that i have the same vocal inflections.  my grandma liked to laugh.  

i am thankful for memories.  thankful for family.  

thankful that today i get to make some NEW memories with my own kids.

happy thanksgiving to all.  have a beautiful, blessed day.

and just because this is what i woke up to:  carson passed out on my HOT PINK pillow.  weird lighting but sweet pic.  love this boy.  

30 days of thanksgiving. DAYS 19, 20, 21...

with austin being home (yes, i am VERY thankful for that) it has been a busy week.  the kids were still in school up until today...and i'm working full time hours...so there just hasn't been a lot of time.  but that doesn't mean there hasn't been a lot of gratitude.

this morning when i was at work a gentleman came in.  i am certain that i will never forget our conversation.

you just NEVER know what a day is going to hold in store.

on april 6, 2012 the residents of virginia beach awoke, getting ready to celebrate a holiday weekend...much like we will be doing tomorrow.  instead of thanksgiving, it was good friday.  another great thing to celebrate, right?

this was the morning that a navy jet crashed into an apartment complex in our community.  the apartments are two miles from where my family lives.  it was a morning spent feeling fearful...children were home from school...the area the jet crashed in is FILLED with apartments and condominiums.  

and yet, MIRACULOUSLY no one was killed.  not even the pilots.  AMAZING.  

i have transferred to a new store up the road...so i had not met mark before even though he is a regular customer.  he shared why he was thankful this THANKSGIVING.   he was one of the residents of that apartment complex.

he shared his gratitude...how quickly the navy cleared the area...how he got to spend easter with an ocean front view...choosing to look at the positives rather than the fact that he had lost his home temporarily.  

it was a scary time.  but it was temporary.  and he's come out the other side of it stronger.  more grateful.  more thankful for each day.

i really really liked him.  UNTIL HE TOLD ME THAT I REMINDED HIM OF SOMEONE.

i waited...wondering who it would be...

and then he said it.  (i'm laughing out loud as i type this).

CRYSTAL GAYLE.

um, REALLY?  he didn't think i'd know who she was.  BUT, OH I DO.  and i wanted to run...RIGHT THEN...from my job...and go get a haircut.  QUICKLY.

turns out when i got home and googled her, she's not quite as terrible as i remember.  and he REALLY was a nice guy.  so mark, i will take the good from our meeting and let the crystal gayle comparison go.  

thank you for sharing your story with me.  we ALL have so much to be grateful for.

and because i am several days behind there are a few other little things i'm thankful for that i'd like to touch on.  they may be simple...but i can't imagine life without them.

thankful that even in my new work location there is a starbucks close enough to get refills :)

i'm also thankful for apples, oranges, grapes and bananas.  i KNOW that i would not survive giving up my chocolate addiction without them.

on this night before thanksgiving, i wish you all protection from falling jets, coffee to keep you going and a never ending supply of healthy fruit.

happy thanksgiving eve y'all.

30 days of thanksgiving. DAY EIGHTEEN.

today was a most fabulous day. 

it was totally grey and dreary outside.  but INSIDE was a whole different story.  

i am thankful we had the opportunity to sleep in...and then to have alllllll of my children...even sweet maya...come hang out in my bedroom while we talked...and laughed...and caught up with each other.

spent the day doing more of the same and then later, my sweet & talented niece anastasia leigh took our family pictures.  

a sneak peek:

then we all hung out...little ones shrieking and playing, big kids chilling, and grown ups cooking and baking.

very thankful to be surrounded by friends and family.  trent & lori, thank you for opening up your home to us...and your backyard as well.  being with y'all feels like 'home.'

glad to share cake and giggles with you and yours.

xoxo.