30 days of thanksgiving...DAY FOUR.

i am so very thankful today that i have friends who love me.  who encourage me.  who take the time to listen to me.  and who trust me enough with their 'stuff' to let me listen to them too.

i am thankful that i am not walking this life alone.  i am thankful that there are people out there who 'get' me.  who understand what makes me tick.  

i am thankful that as i have grown (aged, gotten old, WHATEVER...) i have become more secure in who i am and less worried about what others think.

i am thankful for new friends & old friends. for near friends & far away friends.

i am thankful that this journey, if sometimes unpredictable, is never completely isolated.

i am thankful that even though i sometimes drop the ball...sometimes miss the mark...sometimes just really SUCK at being a friend...that my TRUE friends understand.  and love me anyhow.

so if i owe you an email, a text, a note, a phone call...just know that i really do love you.  and i am thankful for you.  i can't imagine my life without you.  

xoxo.

thirty days of thanksgiving. DAY THREE.

today was filled with all sorts of fun moments.  carson & i headed out first thing this morning to run an errand for my job.  when we turned into the parking lot we spotted THIS fabulous piece of history.  i would SO SO SO drive one of these.  you can't not smile when you look at it, right????

while we were out we stopped at starbucks.  THE RED CUPS ARE BACK BABY!  and the sight of them makes me happy.  even though i never get to drink from one.  because i'm a weirdo.  and i only like my coffee cold.  no matter how absolutely utterly freezing it is outside.  ICE ICE BABY.

but carson enjoyed HIS hot cocoa by the fire.  and he was looking rather dapper in his hand selected ensemble.  he raided my scarves.  GOD I LOVE THIS KID.

last night jordan went to a football game and then spent the night at a friend's house.  tonight she's at a bonfire, and spending the night at another friend's house.  i'm glad she has friends. lol.  but it WAS nice to see her for awhile in between her social commitments.  we made the most of our time together and did some shopping (she told me that my outfit yesterday looked like i stepped out of a catalog...OMG...AND SHE DIDN'T EVEN WANT ANYTHING...SHE WAS JUST BEING NICE.  LOOOOOOVE HER).  she also erased all signs of aging out of my hair.  LOVE HER EVEN MORE.  she's gotten quite fabulous at this. not only is she GOOD at it but she's QUICK too.  and i pay her in shopping dollars.  and tip her with incredible advice on all things girly.  LOL.

and now i'm calling it a night.  watched a little recap of the SANDY footage from the north east.

need i say more?

TONIGHT I AM JUST THANKFUL.  it's been a great day.  i have children who make me smile, a warm bed to sleep in and there is NO GREY on my head.  WHAT MORE COULD A GIRL WANT?

30 days of thanksgiving. DAY TWO.

today i am thankful for scarves.  yes, that's right.  SCARVES ROCK.

i had to work today.  we are busy getting ready for a BIG EVENT at the hallmark store tomorrow.  for just a FEW HOURS there are going to be some awesome specials.  one of those great deals is 30% off all of the scarves in the store.  

we have a PLETHORA of scarves.  most of them are great.  BUT THERE'S THIS ONE COLLECTION OF SCARVES that we've had for like, MONTHS.  they're weird.  they're shaped funny.  and no one really knows what the HECK to DO with them.  they are ODD.  and obviously NO ONE WANTS THEM.

so i told my boss we need to reevaluate how we are marketing them.  virginia beach is FILLED with dog lovers.  LET'S SELL THEM AS LOVELY LITTLE ACCESSORIES FOR OUR FURRY FRIENDS.  and if you want, you can even purchase one for yourself and you can match your pet.

i was kinda kidding.  but wanda wasn't.  before you knew it, i was being sent home with scarves and instructed to do a photo shoot with my best furry friend MAYA.

jordan was a good sport and took us out to SHOOT US.  hee hee.

and here's what we came up with.  

prints have been sent to one hour photo and by tomorrow morning MAYA AND I will be the unofficial weird scarf models at the local virginia beach hallmark.  LOL.

on a more serious note, DID YOU KNOW THAT SCARVES BREAK LANGUAGE BARRIERS?

meet my sweet friend dorothy.  you can call her dorothy.  I CALL HER BUNNY.  this is a picture of the two of us in MALAWI, AFRICA in the spring of 2000.  it was a trip that changed my life.  bunny had so many important lessons in life and gratitude and courage that she taught me.  and i taught bunny several different ways to tie her lovely 'women of virtue' scarf.  don't say i'm not a world changer.  lol.  this pic is proof.  she was a quick study.

funny thing is when we came back from that trip, the team got together to watch videos of our journey.  in most of the clips, i was captured applying lipstick, tying scarves, painting the fingernails of every village child within like five hundred miles.  our team leader looked up and said 'I KNOW I WAS ON A MISSIONS TRIP.  I'M NOT SURE WHAT THE HECK YOU WERE DOING?????'  hee hee.

so it's friday.  time to tie one on.  a scarf that is ;)

30 days of thanksgiving. DAY ONE.

for the last few years my friends and i have taken the month of november to DAILY reflect on the things that we are thankful for.  obviously, we are thankful other months of the year too (maybe not july.  i don't really like july.  july is way too hot.   i might like it better if i could like, go to alaska or something for the month).

anyhow, today begins my personal thirty days of thanksgiving.  

and i'll start with something simple.

i'm thankful for the ability to smile.

i'm thankful that the years have NOT wiped the smile from my face, nor the joy from my heart.

i'm thankful that through all the hard times...which started at a really early age...there has been grace and strength to continue to find the positives.

my sister says it's how i survived.  i believe her.

as i look back over my shoulder at the past (much like "little me" in this very vintage photograph LOL), i have no regrets.  life is what it is.  it has taken me on the journey that has made me who i am.

and who i am is someone special.  someone who is grateful for the simple things in life, someone who doesn't  need or expect too much.  

what i want more than anything is for my smile to be returned.  so if you see me smiling at you, know that it's not because i have no cares, no worries.  trust me.  i do.  more than you can possibly imagine.  don't confuse my smile for an easy life.  

my smile is my badge of courage to face a difficult one.

and if you are reading this you are part of my journey.  and i'm thankful that at some point in time YOU have been my reason to smile.  i hope that you can say the same about me.

quick...i need string and a door knob!

kids are weird.  and unpredictable.  and each one, so very unique.

austin & carson have never really minded losing teeth.

jordan & hudson would let their loose teeth get to the point of barely hanging on and then SCREAM AND CRY AND FIGHT LIKE WILD CATS if i dared try to even look.

i don't remember what i was like with my teeth.  i DO remember that one winter morning i was following my brother around the yard in the snow.  he had a sled.  and i was his shadow.  and he kicked off to jump on that sled and knocked both of my two front teeth out.  remember it like it was yesterday.  the blood.  the snow.  the freaked out babysitter.  we found one of the teeth.  i wrote the tooth fairy a note regarding the other tooth.  and my brother will never live the story down about how he kicked his poor baby sister's front teeth out.

hudson lost one of his top two front teeth awhile back.  the second one has just been HANGING there and i have tried to secretly get it out while he sleeps.  but he's a light sleeper and it hasn't worked.

this morning, at the crack of dawn, he came in my room sobbing.  HIS GUM WAS BLEEDING and he was afraid the tooth was coming out.  he was so freaked out by the amount of blood in his mouth that he didn't even really notice when i just grabbed the tooth and yanked it out.  he was so relieved.  so glad that it was just GONE.

almost immediately the tears stopped and were replaced by a silly toothless grin.

he got loaded up on the school bus and i headed out for a walk.  it's cool here.  the air is crisp.  and my mind feels sharp.  something about autumn just makes me feel so alive.

while i walked i couldn't help think about hudson and his tooth.  

what IS it about children and those pesky teeth?  he'd rather have the thing dangling...and not be able to eat the things he really wants to eat...poor kid has been living off spaghetti-o's just so he doesn't have to use his front teeth to bite into anything...when if he would have just DEALT WITH IT, the pain would have been over and he could once again enjoy the things in life that he loves.  NOT TO MENTION THE FACT THAT HE LOOKED ABSOLUTELY RIDICULOUS with this ONE TOOTH JUST HANGING THERE.

i feel like hudson right now.   i'm 'holding on' to things that i need to let go of.  things that are hindering me from living life to it's fullest.  i don't just want spaghetti-o's.  i want to chew life up.  digest all the great stuff that is out there.  and i DON'T WANT TO LOOK LIKE A MORON with my metaphorical tooth just sitting there hanging on for dear life.

i'm feeling brave.  someone pass me some string.  i'm ready.

ELEPHANT PRAYERS

it's autumn. my absolute favorite time of the year. jeans. sweaters. boots.

this morning the kids and i headed out to church.  our energy level was high as we headed toward the oceanfront.  these kids MAKE ME LAUGH.  and they were in RARE FORM today.

we pulled in the parking lot at church, greeted by a tall, middle-aged gentleman wearing khaki pants and a plaid button down shirt.  carson was CONVINCED it was mitt romney.  which made me laugh out loud for real.  he wanted his autograph.  i wanted him to be quiet.  lol.

we sat in the balcony, back row.  this is best for everyone.  trust me.  the boys are well behaved.  REALLY THEY ARE.  but they don't want to go to kid church and prefer to stay in 'big' church with me.  i'm fine with that.  but if they were sitting RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU, you might not be.  lol.

anyhow, this is still a relatively new church for us.  i'm enjoying the mix of old & new.  but some of the 'old' comes with things i'm not used to.  like a bulletin.  an order of worship.  it's nice.  i like it.  but, again, not fully accustomed to it yet and there is a reason that i'm sharing that.

at some point during the teaching jordan needed lip gloss.  i handed her a tube that i had gotten from sephora as a free birthday gift.  it's not what she is used to and it went on gloppy.  jordan doesn't do gloppy.  so i looked for a piece of paper for her to blot her gloppy lips on.  i handed her an insert from the bulletin.  a bit later, the pastor told everyone to take out their (whatever it's called).  which happened to be the insert.  which happened to have her big ol' lip prints on it.  and i mouthed to her 'we're going to hell.'  and she just laughed.

i'm contemplating framing this baby.  it makes me laugh.

anyhow...for what it's worth, the teaching was on the priority of prayer.  

i JUST had a conversation this week with a friend about praying.  how sometimes you find yourself praying prayers that God must just scratch his head over...like, seriously?????  you think i'm going to answer THAT????  you wonder if it's best to just leave them unspoken, un-prayed.  but the reality is that HE KNOWS WHAT IS GOING ON INSIDE YOUR HEAD, INSIDE YOUR HEART anyhow.  there's no hiding.  so you might as well be real and just fess up, right?

and that's where i've been lately.  going for long walks, allowing myself to just utter everything and anything and know that God isn't shocked.  but they certainly have not been the kind of prayers that would get you a gold sticker at the local women's prayer group.  lol.

i've struggled just a bit with that.  

but this morning, part of the text was from ephesians 6:18.

And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the saints.

as the pastor was talking, i may or may not have been a little distracted at one point...this happens when you have three weirdos sitting on your right hand side (they belong to me.  i'm allowed to call them names)...anyhow i heard the pastor say GOD DOESN'T WANT YOUR ELEPHANT PRAYERS...

which brought me back to the moment and i realized he was ACTUALLY saying GOD DOESN'T WANT YOUR ELOQUENT PRAYERS.

which is equally encouraging to me.  because i don't have elephant OR eloquent prayers.

i DO present ALL KINDS OF PRAYERS AND REQUESTS.  lol.  and i left feeling a little bit better...knowing that the God of this universe knows what's in my heart, he knows what's on my mind, and he's TOTALLY okay with me sharing it with him.   if i can't be honest with HIM, then seriously there's no hope. 

and while ELEPHANTS NEVER FORGET, i'm thankful that God DOES forgive AND forget.  there's hope for me yet.

we did a post-church trip to the beach starbucks and ran into my buddy, the banjo guy.  the dude can sing.  he pretty much told jordan to brace herself...because if she thought that her mother was weird, there's no hope for her.  the apple doesn't fall far from the tree.  such wisdom from a man who clearly needs my fashion help.  lololol.

back to life. back to reality.

hello blog.  it's been awhile.

if you know me at ALL, you know that it's when i get too quiet that you have to worry.  quiet is NOT my nature.  AND if you know me at ALL then you know that i DEFINITELY prefer to see the positives in life.  not that my life is all rosy and perfect.  i think we can pretty much all agree on that.  but i also know that I.AM.BLESSED.  life, even with all it's bumps & bruises, has been worth living.  it's been a journey.  filled with all sorts of surprises.

highs.
lows.
ups.
downs.
dead ends.
roads to no where.
unexpected turns that led to places beyond my wildest dreams.

the road, these last few months, has been exhausting.

austin really REALLY struggled with the goodbyes associated with his transition to liberty university.  it was U.G.L.Y.  but he's on the other side.  he's got a GREAT group of friends, a SUPER future ahead of him, and he has looked anxiety in the face and said NO WAY.  and i'm so so proud of him.

while i was trying to carry austin through HIS sadness, i was also trying to carry bobby & carson through THEIRS.  the two of them  have also been majorly impacted by austin's departure.  jordan & hudson are cut from a different cloth and their biggest worries are what to wear (jordan) and are there enough cans of spaghetti-o's in the house (hudson).

meanwhile, my hours at work have been increased, i'm going full time soon, and i've some days wondered WHO THE HECK IS GOING TO CARRY ME???????  i've just been TIRED.  exhausted really.  and i don't like to whine.  i don't like to hear other people whine.  and so i've done my best to keep my whining to myself.

i have picked myself up, dusted off any heaviness and am carrying myself, thank you very much.  september 9, two weeks out from my birthday, i decided ENOUGH and began to concentrate once again on eating healthier.  i had become a PRO at that in texas.  and in the midst of all of the change, all of the loss associated with this move, i had just let it go.  NO MORE.  down seven pounds and feeling better.  i have also added exercise back into my day.  sure, i'm on my feet all day at work...but i'm talking the kind of exercise that leaves you dripping with sweat.  yeah, yeah...i know...girls don't sweat.  maybe some don't, but THIS GIRL DOES.  and i feel better when i do (provided i can bathe with some yummy smelly stuff, my favorite scent right now being PINK CHIFFON from bath and body works).

anyhow, that's where i've been.  what i've been up to.  and i'm feeling a little more like the real me again.  it feels good.

and now that i'm back, let the blogging begin.  starting with an entry fresh from this morning :)