tonight it's valentine's day. the boys are in bed, the big kids are at youth group and i turned on the tv to see if i could find something to watch...
the bachelor is on. on valentine's day? REALLY?
a parade of girls...each one trying to out do the next. each trying to put her best foot (well, her best SOMETHIN' ...lol...) forward...trying to win over the handsome 'prince.'
they stand with trepidation, waiting to find out if they are 'good enough' to make the cut. will he keep them around? or will he decide that he's moving on, that he's found someone else that thrills him more.
these girls, bless their hearts, seem so pathetic. so desperate to impress this dude. so hoping to make him fall in love with them.
and while i'd like to make fun of them, i can't.
i'd say most of my life i've been playing this game...only not with the hottie du jour...but rather with the God of this universe. i've dolled myself up...made myself as 'good' as i can be...i've done everything i can to impress him...to try and improve my 'credentials,' my 'ranking.'
and then i've hoped...and hoped...that i'd be good enough...that i'd be worthy of a rose...that he'd keep me around another day, another month, another year.
and it's really kind of sad...that it's taken me THIS LONG to start to wrap my brain around the fact that HE LOVES ME. i don't have to DO anything. i don't have to WONDER if i'm going to get a rose...he's already got one with my name on it.
there is no dress ugly enough...no deformity grotesque enough...to turn him away from me.
he loves me. HE REALLY LOVES ME.
so tonight, i remind myself that i need to refrain from playing the childhood game of HE LOVES ME, HE LOVES ME NOT and choose to believe that HE LOVES ME.
psalm 52:8,9 -- i trust in God's unfailing love for ever and ever. i will praise you for what you have done. in YOUR NAME i will hope, for your name is good.
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