K is for KAPOW!

warning: due to graphic content, this blog entry may not be suitable to be read before breakfast, after dinner or anytime in between.

K IS FOR KAPOW!

sometime back in january, we noticed a bump on carson's nose...i kept thinking perhaps it was a mole. and also, if i'm being honest, thinking that if it WAS a mole we'd be needing to have someone eventually take care of that. yes, i'm vain like that.

so anyhow, the 'mole' started to get reeeeeally red. carson thought maybe it was a pimple. he's nine. really?????? so i just said we'd keep an eye on it. it got bigger. and redder. and he wouldn't let me NEAR it.

one day he came home with a note from the school nurse. for those of you who follow along, we've had some HILARIOUS trips to the nurse with notes sent home...hang nails, mosquito bites, etc.




well, the mysterious mole-pimple went back to a tiny bump and i thought we were done with it. but on friday it made a grand reappearance.

that night, all the kids had gone to bed and carson snuck down to chat with me. we're laying in my bed talking about all sorts of things and then he told me kids at school were making fun of him because of his zit. so i asked him if i could please check it out. of course, he said NO. and of course, being the mom that i am, i decided it was TIME...and pretty much pinned him down against his will and started to mess with it.

to say he protested was an understatement. (and if you're queasy, skip this part) but it only took one good stab at it and KAPOW!

it was really, really gross and we'll just keep it at that.

he cried. of course he did. but he got over it pretty quickly. there was a sense of relief that IT was gone. and then we laughed about it. and made lots of sick nine year old boy humor zit jokes. mommy might be getting too good at this 'daddy' role. i'm not accustomed to gross humor.

but SERIOUSLY, in the midst of holding him afterward and having him cry because i had pretty much just accosted him and his appendage...it hit me (really, truly, it did...this is just how my mind works folks)...

THIS IS KIND OF WHAT IT'S LIKE WITH GOD AND ME.

sometimes i have stuff that's festering inside of me. i try to hide it...or maybe i seek out advice...and maybe even have people talking behind my back and making fun of me or judging me...

and sometimes the ONLY cure is to have a KAPOW moment. sometimes, because of his love and care for me, HE MIGHT JUST PIN ME DOWN AND FORCE ME INTO A SITUATION WHERE HE CAN JUST SAY 'ENOUGH ALREADY, LET'S GET THIS OVER WITH' and...

KAPOW.

and then he holds me. while i cry. and i realize that the pain was worth it.

and so, as we move along on this journey and i ask him, 'WHYYYYYYYYY are you uprooting us? WHYYYYYYYY do i have to leave my comfort zone?' i'm going to TRY (perhaps kicking and screaming at times) to trust that HE REALLY DOES KNOW WHAT I NEED.