as usual, i tucked the boys in their beds tonight. after hudson fell asleep, carson made a reappearance. he said we needed to talk. somewhere private.
i never know what is going to come out of this kid's mouth so i braced myself and thought, 'whyyyyyy does he always ask the questions when daddy's not home?'
we climbed up in my bed and got all snuggly in the pile of pillows. before i could even ASK, the tears were falling. weeping. the kind of deep cry that you just can't keep in.
after asking him several times to explain why he was crying, i finally gave up and just held him while he cried. when he settled down a little bit he then began to pour out his thoughts:
he hates the devil.
why did those STUPID PEOPLE have to eat the apple? they screwed up EVERYTHING.
he hates that all because of that, we have to live in a world that isn't perfect.
and then more tears.
he misses debbie.
he was only two when she passed away. but he remembers her. she adored him. he called his sippy cup a DOP-A-DEE and it was her favorite word ever. every time he said it, she would giggle. i can still close my eyes and hear her laughter.
i know why debbie's absence has affected me. i would never have guessed that it would affect him in such a profound way. i'm not even sure how it's possible that he has such recollection of her...but he does.
her influence in my life was profound...she took the time to help me understand GRACE and MERCY and LOVE and FREEDOM....
in fact, were it not for the time and energy that she spent walking along side me at one of the most difficult times in my life, i'm not sure i would have ever been emotionally ready to grow our family beyond the four of us.
but i did get past that season. and obviously, carson and hudson followed.
maybe that's part of the bond that he has with her? maybe there is a connection there that isn't explainable. that sounds so out there. i promise i'm not going all new age on you :)
all i know is that this little guy says he wants to spend his life beating up the devil. he says he's TICKED OFF that we have to live in a world with so much pain.
he prayed and asked Jesus to please tell debbie that he says hello...and also the thief that was on the cross next to Jesus.
i love this boy. i love his tender heart. i'm not always sure what to do with it. but i love it.
4 comments:
Oh sweet boy! I love his heart! Big hugs to all of you.
what a sweet, sweet boy. I'm all teared up just reading that <3
So sweet Wendy. All of your children are so tender hearted. I miss you and your family so very much<3
Wendy all of your children have such tender hearts. I'm with Carso ---I have wanted to beat up the devil so many times. I miss you and your family so much<3
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