stuck in nebraska

**disclaimer: i know some really nice people from nebraska (cough*cough*the valencia family*cough*cough) and i'm sure that they think nebraska is just a lovely place to be...please no offense to those of you that this is sure to offend ;) i mean no harm.**

STUCK IN NEBRASKA

back in my high school days, summer meant camping. summer meant colorado. summer meant each of us girls got ONE cardboard storage box to fit all of our items in. summer meant saying goodbye to our boyfriends...and giving up the phone...and tv...and music...for weeks...as we headed west and lived like pioneers.

there were no cell phones, no internet, no ipods for music...this made for some loooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooong car rides from ohio to colorado. just ask my parents. there was also no satellite radio...which meant that when you were in the middle of nowhere there wasn't much to listen to. so we did what any teenaged girls would do: we filled the dead air space with the sounds of nonsense...

we made up songs...long, ridiculous, unending songs (that we still have memorized)...we wrote movie scripts that starred us (duh!). we talked, we sang, we talked some more.

and my parents continued to do this year after year. wth were they THINKING?

i have so many fun memories of our times in colorado, wyoming & montana...talk about BEAUTY! there is just NOTHING as majestic as the mountains. breathtaking...even to a completely self-centered teenager :)

what i DON'T have fun memories of are our times in nebraska. if you aren't much on geography, i've included this handy map for you to refer to. see ohio? see colorado? see all those states you have to drive through to get there? see how nebraska is last on the list? see how TERRIBLY, TERRIBLY HORIZONTAL NEBRASKA IS?????

now, imagine having been in the car (yes, car...we didn't get a van until later years...so i have memories of my sisters and i being in the backseat of a little navy blue fiat making that journey)...imagine...being in that backseat...you get through ohio...you're excited...a few more states...still having fun...but then you hit nebraska. and it just goes on and on...FOR.EVER. there is NOTHING to look at. the SMELLS of the nearby animal farms (chicken? pig?) waft through the air and cause you to gag...which causes those around you to gag...which means lots and lots of gagging...

and you just want to be done with it. BRING ON COLORADO. give me my mountains. give me my view. give me beauty. give me fresh air.

give me ANYTHING BUT NEBRASKA.

God, i'd forgotten how much i hate nebraska.

(again, valencia family, i am so so sorry. i love you in spite of this torturous state you hail from).

soooo, why am i all anti-nebraska in the middle of the holiday season?

i'm just going to go ahead and type un-edited if you don't mind.

the 2010-2011 time frame has been one HELL of an era.

i could not be more glad to just say goodbye to it. in fact, i may actually stay awake this new year's eve to see the ball drop...which is something i just don't do...because i'm ready to kick this past year from here to kingdom come.

and it's not just me. so many who i love (and even some that i don't) have just been having a wretched time with this thing called life.

the heartache of losing loved ones...

the pain of dreams unfulfilled...

the hurt of damaged relationships...

the anguish of cancer & sickness...

the brutality of life...

sometimes it just seems like it's unbearable.

i was trying to share some encouragement with a friend the other day...sharing with her that she just needed to hold on another day...to not give up...that good MUST BE right around the corner.

and that's when it hit me.

i feel like i'm stuck in nebraska. i feel like so many of my dear friends & family (and you know who you are as you are reading this) are stuck in nebraska.

and it's TORTURE.

we know where we WANT to be.

we know the beauty of what we HOPE TO SEE.

but instead we're stuck on this miserable road that seems to lead to nowhere...not only does it seem that there is NOTHING worth looking at, but add to that the literal STINK of it all and it's just so incredibly disheartening.

we long for more.

we long to move on.

we long to just GET THERE.

but it's not happening.

we're stuck. in nebraska.

and the bad news is WE'RE IN THE BACKSEAT. we have NO CONTROL over how long it's going to take before we can cross that fabulous line and see the sign welcoming us to the other side.

for some of us, that day is going to come before others. some of us will get to experience the hopes deferred...the dreams we've been waiting for...the joy of things we've been anticipating and praying for...

but knowing how this life goes, SOME of us won't. some of us are going to have to wrestle with the fact that maybe nebraska is where we're going to be for awhile (or...gasp...forever).

and if that's the case then we'd better start to find some beauty in this place.

for starters, we need to realize we're not alone. even though it may seem like it out on the highway. if we will resign ourselves to the fact that we have to stay for a bit, then we can (maybe) find some things about this place that aren't so bad.

there are others who may have gotten off the road here as well. they understand how we feel. maybe they've been here so long that they can show us some of the beauty that is here. or maybe they've been here so long that they've forgotten there's anything else OUT there.

either way, if we're going to BE HERE then we may as well embrace it.

this is where i find myself. when i finally get used to the scents and sights (much as i wish i could ignore them), i realize that i'm not the only one out here.

i'm not gonna lie. i'd WAY rather be in colorado. i'd way rather have THAT view than the one that i currently face.

but i'm trying to come to terms with it...

i'm stuck in nebraska.