Wednesday, November 30, 2011


last post, i reflected on my feelings regarding change & how we're working through it.

THIS post, i'm reflecitng on my feelings regarding things that stay the same...and how much peace can come with that.

we had one of the sweetest thanksgiving days that i can ever recall.

maybe i'm just getting older and sappy and nostalgic. maybe not.

but as i sit here typing this out, i have tears in my eyes (again) as i remember thanksgiving 2011.

we spent the day at nanny's house.

bobby's mom has lived in the same home since he was a baby. her property backs up to an inlet that hosts creatures ranging from cute otters, beautiful birds, giant turtles and (shudder) creepy, slithery snakes.

he spent a couple decades in that house. a lot HAS changed since he was a boy. but a LOT has stayed the same. just like back then, the teenaged girls still outnumber the teenaged boys.

we feasted on a tremendous thanksgiving dinner, and then while the food settled, some laid around inside, and some went out back.

it was in the backyard, with the sun streaming down, that the nostalgia started to hit.

watching nanny collect sticks while hudson ran around the yard looking for rocks to throw in the water...

watching austin and jordan relentlessly tease each other about who could hit the rocks the furthest (i'm pretty sure she gets the prize for that one...all that volleyball practice works in her favor LOL)...

watching bobby interact with the kids out on the deck...hanging out with my baby girl...who spent her VERY FIRST thanksgivings here in this house...on this this yard...

later, sitting in the kitchen after everything had been cleaned up and having bobby's sister give jordan and i impromptu haircuts...

my nieces torturing my nephew by dragging him into the 'hair salon' for some primping...

the giggles, the laughter, the love...there is so much history in this house...

it was just so precious to see MY FAMILY celebrating life in the place where their father spent so much of HIS life.

we celebrated carson's tenth birthday and he got the skateboard that he had been wishing for.

nanny went out in the garage and came back in with BOBBY'S skateboard from when he was about the same age. that's ONE OLD SKATEBOARD. lololol.

she gave it to hudson and i think, honestly, that he would sleep with it if he could. it's not fancy, it's not RAD, it's not current, but it's DADDY'S. and THAT makes it absolutely priceless.

in the midst of alllllllll of the changes, i am grateful for things that DON'T change. i am grateful for the sense of peace and love and stability that my family experienced this thanksgiving. and i am grateful for the joy of being able to share that with all of them. and you.

as we continue to try and get our feet back on the ground after the last few rough years, i need to keep THESE moments at the forefront. i need to let the worry go...the fear of whether we'll get through the next month or not... i need to trust, and KNOW, that God knows exactly what he's doing. so thankful for the moments of clarity that i had on thanksgiving day. a faith refresher :)

'Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.' -- Phil. 4:6

Wednesday, November 23, 2011

ugh...this is a hard one...

i've held off typing all day...because part of me just doesn't want to have to really THINK that deeply on what i'm about to share...

but in the spirit of thanksgiving, i'm going to CHOOSE to be thankful for CHANGE.

UGH. i mean, i DO like change. i DO. but i like to PICK my change. lol. is that SO WRONG? :)

one year ago today, life changed. BAM. that fast.

it had been a ROUGH journey after bobby was laid off from the church he was working for. we walked through SO VERY MUCH. for awhile, i wasn't sure i was ever going to get him 'back.' i had lost him to this huge weight of anxiety, stress, fear, feelings of extreme failure. not gonna lie: it wasn't pretty.

so when he asked me if there was ANY way that he could go home to visit his family for thanksgiving, i knew we'd have to find a way. he just NEEDED the escape. we booked his ticket and that was that. little could we have guessed what would happen next.

CBN (the company he had worked for TWENTY YEARS in virginia beach) called. they heard he was looking for work and wondered if he'd be interested in a certain position & was there a good time that he could come to town to interview? this was the friday before he left. he told them he was going to be there the following week and they set up the meeting.

after sooooo much waiting...and praying...and hoping...the tears, the fears...i didn't expect that we would have an answer quickly...i mean, everything for us had been dragged out. i swear, i have aged SOOOO much in the last year it's not even funny (i'm certainly not laughing). so when he called me that afternoon and said they WANTED HIM and it was HIS IF HE WANTED IT, it sort of surprised me.

and from that moment on, we've experienced CHANGE on a daily basis.

overall, it's been good. to see my husband back in his element, working with guys he's known since grade school...with his sense of humor back in place, with hope and joy back in his makes it all worth it.

it hasn't killed my children. lol. each of them has had things they've had to walk through as a result of this change. but they are doing well.

i KNOW that this move was intended for us...that we are where we are supposed to be. i do miss my family. my friends. my job. my home. my kitchen. BUT i am thankful that i have such sweet memories to treasure.

and so, overall i AM thankful for change. i know that it stretches us. it tests us. and it has the capacity to pull us apart or bring us together. we have chosen to allow it to do the latter. and i hope it stays that way.

i realize that there is NO WAY to know what tomorrow holds. a year from now i could be writing about november 24, 2011 and how THAT was the day that ushered in ANOTHER new season.

i sort of hope not though. i'd kind of be okay with an uneventful year. (God, are you listening?). :)

'do not boast about tomorrow, for you do not know what a day may bring.' proverbs 27:1

Tuesday, November 22, 2011

thankful for water...from the tap & from the sky...

while austin may have his LICENSE to drive, he hasn't secured a steady part-time job yet. and until he does, he's not driving on his own...because he will be responsible for the additional insurance premium :)

soooooo, every morning i drive austin & jordan down to the bus stop at the entrance to our neighborhood and drop them off.

this morning it was raining. jordan had JUST finished her hair and was less than thrilled with the prospect of standing outside waiting for the bus. she would NEVER take an umbrella to school (seriously mom???) and when i suggested that she stand under the overhang of the condos right by the bus stop she said she didn't want to look stupid. so instead, she got out of the car, grumbled and walked away in the rain with her binder on top of her head.

as i watched her walk off, i thought about how blessed she is to be able to stand in the rain waiting for her bus. she's in warm clothes, with a so-so lunch that her mother packed with love. she's headed to a school where she gets a good education that costs us nothing. she has friends and teachers who adore her. she has a warm bed to sleep in when she gets home (and that girl can

i thought how in contrast this is to so many of the young girls (well, old ones too) that i had the privilege to meet during my time in africa. many of these girls don't get to even go to school. and instead of binders on their heads they have buckets of water...that they walk FOR MILES to get. DAILY. whether it's raining or not. and they aren't wearing cute little boots while they're walking. instead of a fashionable little bag slung over their shoulder, they have a toddler on their back.

i'm thankful. so thankful. for everything. EVERYTHING. sometimes it is just soooo easy to focus on what we DON'T have...when what we DO have is everything we NEED, and THEN SOME.

psalm 107:8,9: "Let (us) give thanks to the LORD for his unfailing love and his wonderful deeds for mankind, for he satisfies the thirsty and fills the hungry with good things."

Lord, i pray that in this season of this season of feasting & celebrating with our families, that we not forget the privilege it is to be living in this country...even in our roughest times there are so many resources...allow us each opportunities to make a difference in someone's life...whether here or abroad...or both...and let us NEVER stop being thankful for all of your unfailing love & wonderful deeds.

Tuesday, November 15, 2011

thankful for a tender heart...

as usual, i tucked the boys in their beds tonight. after hudson fell asleep, carson made a reappearance. he said we needed to talk. somewhere private.

i never know what is going to come out of this kid's mouth so i braced myself and thought, 'whyyyyyy does he always ask the questions when daddy's not home?'

we climbed up in my bed and got all snuggly in the pile of pillows. before i could even ASK, the tears were falling. weeping. the kind of deep cry that you just can't keep in.

after asking him several times to explain why he was crying, i finally gave up and just held him while he cried. when he settled down a little bit he then began to pour out his thoughts:

he hates the devil.

why did those STUPID PEOPLE have to eat the apple? they screwed up EVERYTHING.

he hates that all because of that, we have to live in a world that isn't perfect.

and then more tears.

he misses debbie.

he was only two when she passed away. but he remembers her. she adored him. he called his sippy cup a DOP-A-DEE and it was her favorite word ever. every time he said it, she would giggle. i can still close my eyes and hear her laughter.

i know why debbie's absence has affected me. i would never have guessed that it would affect him in such a profound way. i'm not even sure how it's possible that he has such recollection of her...but he does.

her influence in my life was profound...she took the time to help me understand GRACE and MERCY and LOVE and FREEDOM....

in fact, were it not for the time and energy that she spent walking along side me at one of the most difficult times in my life, i'm not sure i would have ever been emotionally ready to grow our family beyond the four of us.

but i did get past that season. and obviously, carson and hudson followed.

maybe that's part of the bond that he has with her? maybe there is a connection there that isn't explainable. that sounds so out there. i promise i'm not going all new age on you :)

all i know is that this little guy says he wants to spend his life beating up the devil. he says he's TICKED OFF that we have to live in a world with so much pain.

he prayed and asked Jesus to please tell debbie that he says hello...and also the thief that was on the cross next to Jesus.

i love this boy. i love his tender heart. i'm not always sure what to do with it. but i love it.

Wednesday, November 9, 2011

thankful for simplicity

hudson's second grade class is learning about matter: solids, liquids, gasses.

tonight's homework was to go through a magazine and clip out two examples of each that you would find at the grocery store.

he came over to me with an ad from hefty.

"mom, gingerbread men are NOT a holiday NEED. they are a holiday WANT."

um, yep. you're right dude.

this led to a conversation about what you NEED for the holidays: do you NEED to have a christmas tree to celebrate christmas? do we NEED to bake Jesus a birthday cake in order to celebrate his birthday? do we NEED to have presents on christmas morning for it to actually BE christmas?

(not gonna lie...that LAST question made him hesitate...LOL. i assured him that we WILL have gifts on christmas morning...but that even THAT is not a need, it's a in we WANT to bless them with presents the way God blessed us with the best gift of all).

in any case, it was a great conversation and tonight i am thankful that even my seven year old is able to recognize how media tries to convince you of things that aren't true.

and THAT is a totally different lesson on MATTER than his teacher had in mind, but it was a good lesson nonetheless :)

Tuesday, November 8, 2011

thankful for laughter

it's parent/teacher conference day. which means no school. which means kids. home. which means LOTS of play time...OUTSIDE. carson tried to convince me that they needed to play INSIDE today...that it's too HOT to be outside (it's currently 61 degrees...houston, how quickly he's forgotten you).

anyhow, they came running in because they needed another piece of paper. i began to read, out loud, what was written on the first piece.

instructions on how to be a ZOMBIE:

of course, i stopped at the SHOOT ASSED OUT OF MOUTH. ummmmm??????

me: "carson, shoot ass...????"

carson: "ED."

me: "what?????"

carson: "ass. ed."

me: "huh?"

austin: "mom, ACID. ass-ed."


of course, i didn't let him back outside until i took a picture.

thankful for the gift of laughter...

Monday, November 7, 2011

thankful for my own personal maitre d'

i shared a few days ago how i was looking forward to the end of volleyball season because it would mean family dinners and lazy evenings...

apparently i wasn't the only one who felt that way.
tonight while dinner was in the oven, carson decided to make a 'fancy' table for us. he had hudson help him and they set the table, came around and took our drink orders and then seated us for dinner.

he roped austin into taking over the rest of the 'cooking duties' and i wasn't allowed in the kitchen from that point on.

as if that wasn't blessing enough, carson also prayed for our meal before he sat down (apparently this is a christian restaurant LOL).

frozen chicken tenders and macaroni & cheese have never tasted so delicious.

i am thankful to share life with these sweet, sweet children of mine.

Sunday, November 6, 2011


this weekend i'm thankful for so many things. for one, i'm glad that hudson's fever is long gone & he's completely back to his rowdy self.

i'm also glad for a day to myself yesterday. bobby took the kids to have lunch with grand-daddy lee. i got some housework done & then ran some errands. while i was out i decided to hit the local thrift store.

my dear sweet stacey is coming for a visit this week (that will be an entirely different thankful post)...anyhow while she's here, she's going to take pics for us and i've been on the hunt for some funky accessories.

i was THRILLED when i found a navy & orange striped sweater scarf that was like new. even MORE thrilled to see that they had 1.98 on it...and then BEYOND thrilled when i saw that it was j.crew. that baby came home with me :) and i might have giggled just a little when i saw that the scarf hanging next to it was marked a whopping 3.98 and was joe boxer from kmart.


please continue on in your fashion unawareness as it blesses me and my family tremendously.


Friday, November 4, 2011

thankful for dendrochronology...

i am so thankful that no matter WHERE i have lived (and i have had a LOT of addresses LOL), i have had the gift of friendship...the gift of other women who have loved me and encouraged me...during times of my life that were filled with laughter...and also in the times that have been filled with tears (and there have been a lot of BOTH of those things too).

as i've moved from season to season, i carry these friends with me in my heart and in my mind. they have impacted my life.

my 'newest' friend is cheri. you can't walk into a patriot volleyball game and not notice her. she's the one who is VIBRANTLY cheering on the team. she's surrounded by friends and family in the stands (and she has about as many children as i have addresses...okay maybe not QUITE that many, but when you add in the friends they need their own bleacher section :)

i'm just getting to know cheri...but what i know, i love. i am so grateful that i have her with me in this new season. she mentioned to me that she co-teaches a parenting bible study and i decided to join her.

i wasn't quite sure what to expect, but it has been A.M.A.Z.I.N.G.

this is NOT your normal bible study. the first session i scribbled as fast as i could trying to take down all the info. today i decided to just LISTEN and hope that what i need to remember will be downloaded straight into my mind & heart. it's deep stuff, neurological stuff, medical stuff...and it's GOOD STUFF. i fought back tears today as i listened to some of the information i'd never heard before...and was just filled with a sense of gratitude for my little family of six.

after class, i headed out...places to go, things to do. and i got stuck behind the SLOWEST TRUCK EVER. a policeman was in the lane next to him. so it's not like i could race past him and get the HECK on my way. no. instead i was forced to just sit...light after light after light, staring at the big ol' truck and his load full of trees. my mind began to wander, thinking how lovely a grouping of tree trunks would look as a coffee table...

i started really checking out the beauty of the tree rings. and started to think about what it would look like if i were a tree (yes, this IS how my mind works...please tell me i'm not alone???? i even decided to take a picture because i knew right then that THIS was my blog for the day...the picture is not so great...cell phone...rain...policeman right in front of me probably wondering WHAT ON EARTH i was doing...). anyhow...

when you look at a cut tree, you can learn a lot:

you see the different seasons that the tree has gone through. when conditions encourage growth, this gives the tree wide rings. seasons of drought give the tree a very narrow ring.

forest fires leave scars on the tree.

you can also see if the tree has had enough space or if other trees were too close in proximity. it is good for a tree to have some boundaries ;)

varying species of trees require different types of rainfall/nutrition for their growth.

all trees are not the same.

if you sliced me open and there were tree rings (instead of lots of blood LOLOLOL) i think you'd find a LOT of variation in my rings. i have had seasons of tremendous blessing & growth...and i've had some years that have felt claustrophobic & dry as the sahara desert. some of my years have left scars on the inside. but when you look at ALL OF THOSE YEARS combined, they make a beautiful picture that is ALL MINE.

and i know that YOUR tree rings are a beautiful, lovely creation as well.

i am thankful today for every ring...for every single giggle or tear that has helped form them...yours AND mine.

Wednesday, November 2, 2011

thankful for patriots, old & new...

tonight was the FINAL game of the season for the lady patriots. they won their district games on monday night, advancing to tonight's game where they played the TOP RANKED team. after an IMPRESSIVE first game win, the other team came back strong and took the remaining games.

so VERY thankful that jordan was selected to be on the varsity volleyball team. so VERY thankful that she's had a great season. most of all, so VERY thankful that, while she still misses her texas friends tremendously, she has a set of beach friends who love & adore her too.

(and i might be just a tiny bit thankful that the six day a week practice schedule is now D.O.N.E. for the season and we can have lazy evenings and family dinners again :)

came home from the game to OTHER patriot news. you see, back in the day i was a lady patriot too. different school. different era. lol. but a lady patriot nonetheless.

one of my classmates posted a school newspaper that her mom has saved for the last (gasp) 27 years. check out the lead article. i may not have my youth anymore, but i still have my optimistic outlook. lmbo.

some of you didn't realize that my 'pollyanna' outlook goes waaaaaaaaaay back. lol. it's annoying sometimes, isn't it?

i'll try to reign it in. :)

Tuesday, November 1, 2011

thankful for beat up, run down shacks

the last couple of years, my friends and i have facebooked (is that a legitimate verb? if it's not, mr. webster needs to get on it and add it)...anyhow...we have facebooked daily during the month of november the things that we are thankful for.
this year i'm going to switch it up a little and blog my thankful thoughts instead. some of you would prefer my short summarized thoughts in a status box. some of you, for whatever reason, seem to enjoy getting a glimpse into what goes through my mind (what the heck is WRONG with you? LOL).

for you, here we thirty days of gratitude (in no particular order).

day one:

the other day austin and i were heading out to get a mailing tube. he has something special he is sending my friend heather. if you haven't read heather's story, you must.

anyhow, we were on our way to office depot when i spotted a mom & pop mailing store in an unexpected location. i did a u-turn and we found a place to park. as we walked toward the building, a sign caught my eye across the street. and it made me laugh. (i'm also thankful for laughter).
i didn't say anything to austin on the way in, but on the way out i told him we needed to cross the street because i had to take a picture. he knows that if he questions me on this stuff it will only take longer, so he humored me and we headed over.
i took THIS picture.

it amuses me. i mean, for REAL? REALLY? are you KIDDING me? would you trust this architect?

and while the initial thought was amusing, as i have thought about it over the last couple days i have come to realize that sometimes this is what it seems like with God.

i mean, he's GOD. he obviously knows what he's doing, right? sometimes it sure doesn't LOOK like it. and it sure as heck doesn't FEEL like it.

sometimes his plans are packaged in ways that don't make sense...they look like shambles...
think about had never even rained and here he was building an ark...(a whaaaaat???? what's an ark, right?). i have often felt like i can relate to noah's wife and i hope someday we can chat (though i hope by then all that animal aroma has worn off of her LOL). i mean, how much flack did she take for having a lunatic husband who probably LOOKED like he wasn't caring for his family...when actually he was doing EXACTLY what he was called to do? was she having to bear extra burden because he was too busy with the ark? i mean she was a busy mom right? did she ever resent him? did she ever wanna tell him to just GO GET A REAL JOB? were her parents alive? what did THEY think about their crazy son-in-law? i'm sure they may have thought that maybe if only she'd married that other dude down the road...maybe then her life would have been normal...BUT GOD USED NOAH...and he allowed noah's wife to go along (quite literally) for the journey.

then there's abraham...God telling him to just pick up and move to someplace he'd never been...don't worry about the details...just GO. take yer kids, take yer wife, take yer husbands cause they're...oh wait...i just got a little distracted. hee hee hee...

hebrews 11 says: "By faith he made his home in the promised land like a stranger in a foreign country; he lived in tents, as did Isaac and Jacob, who were heirs with him of the same promise. For he was looking forward to the city with foundations, whose architect and builder is God."

abraham never got to receive the things he was promised...what the HECK?

more from hebrews 11: "They did not receive the things promised; they only saw them and welcomed them from a distance, admitting that they were foreigners and strangers on earth. People who say such things show that they are looking for a country of their own. If they had been thinking of the country they had left, they would have had opportunity to return. Instead, they were longing for a better country—a heavenly one. Therefore God is not ashamed to be called their God, for he has prepared a city for them."

so today, i am thankful for God the architect. God. i mean, he's GOD, right? looking back at my life there have been lots of things that look like mistakes. it's a messy life. but thankfully, i have a creative God who doesn't NEED a fancy sign...he's not worried about his reputation...he just continues to work out his plan in my life and SOMEDAY...some DAY...i will leave this screwed up country that i live in at the moment and go to a better country...a heavenly one.

and for THAT i am forever grateful.