Monday, January 31, 2011

E is for EMOTION...lots of it...

somewhere along the way, i think i had joined jordan's camp...

if you haven't HEARD of where jordan's been (mentally) camping, it's a place called DENIAL and it's filled with all sorts of things like pet tigers, and pink jeeps with zebra interior...and purple flying unicorns that transport you back and forth to other states...and also includes plans to drop out of highschool in order to sell sno-cones on the beach...i've seen her in a bikini...while i'm CERTAIN she'd do quite well for herself, her father and i really AREN'T OKAY with that plan (and if i'm being honest, the pet tiger kinda scares me a little...but maybe not as much as the bikini clad sno-cone salesgirl LOL).

in any case, today there was no avoiding it. time to face the reality that this is REALLY happening. this morning bobby headed out. we had a very sweet time last night as a family...all six of us climbed into our lumpy ol' bed and talked...and prayed...and some of us might have cried...

carson prayed that daddy would not have to carry aunt melba to protect her from the slugs (he's not quite got that story down yet LOL). jordan prayed that daddy would text her 24/7. and we all prayed that we would make it through the day.

with two hours to go, i'm going to say my THANK YOU PRAYER in advance and call it a day. 'daddy' has gotten about three hours outside of atlanta and is well on his way. tomorrow we're hoping that the weather stays clear for him as he continues on.

the kids each made him a card to tuck in his can see which one is feeling dad's departure the most at this point. and while i get choked up for her, i also am so so so so so very grateful that she has this kind of relationship with her dad. there is nothing but love between the two of them. she doesn't for a second doubt him...his love for her...his willingness to move heaven and earth to be there for her however he can be...and i could NOT be more grateful for that. oh, if only we could each feel that bond with our heavenly father...if we could just put aside our earthly assumptions...our own personal history...and just ENJOY the love of our father...and TRUST that he really DOES adore us for who we are...

but enough of that...on to artwork and sentiment...

here is carson's card:

and hudson' that he included maya...daddy may pretend not to like her but he actually loves her...and he KNOWS it...
and austin's :(

and jordan's...sigh...

and lastly, a play-doh masterpiece, also created by jordan...

lunches are packed, homework is signed, kids are all in bed and i am calling it a day.
what kind of day?
no other word for it...EMOTIONAL.

Friday, January 28, 2011

D is for DESTINY...

do you ever look back at your life and realize that a single decision has FOREVER altered your DESTINY?

as i reflect on my own life, there are some MAJOR defining moments that have absolutely changed the course i was on (thank GOD).

some things are of our own choosing. some, not so much. along this journey, there are times where we just DON'T have any control over our destiny. that can be an unsettling feeling.

but i believe (i just HAVE to believe) that ultimately, if our hearts long for God to use us...if we really want to do what HE wants us to do...then he'll get us where we need to way or another.

and so, today, i think about AUSTIN'S DESTINY.

today is his SEVENTEENTH birthday. and for the entire time we've lived in texas, this child has been obsessed with airplanes...he has served in the Air Force Junior ROTC and was completely focused on becoming a pilot.

of course, this goal requires LOTS of cash...something we don't have. and so for the last year, he has seriously been contemplating joining the military so that his education would be paid for. we just didn't see another way of him reaching this goal.

meanwhile, the OTHER side of austin is his amazing artistic ability. he has SUCH a gift...and it's been evident since he was a toddler. his attention to detail when it comes to art is just mind boggling. and we've always wondered if he would go down that road. he once wrote a letter to Steven Spielberg...i saved it and stumbled upon it not too long ago. i could totally see him going into some kind of production.

this move changes EVERYTHING for him. not only did he discover on his flights to and from virginia recently that he turns green when he flies (not exactly a quality the air force is probably looking for, huh? LOL), but we also now have the opportunity for him to attend a private college on-site for 75% off because his dad will be an employee. this is HUUUUUGE. and they have some incredible programs that would be right up his alley.

MAJOR, LIFE ALTERING, DESTINY CHANGING move approaching for austin. i'll say it one more time: this changes EVERYTHING.

and i'm going to choose to trust that as we move forward, this gets him one step closer to whatever it is that he was born to do.

i love you austin lee. happy 17th birthday. you are such a gift to me.


Thursday, January 27, 2011

C is for CHOICES...

well, the countdown is on. bobby leaves MONDAY. oh MY gosh. the last time we did this, austin and jordan were 2 & 4 and he was LEAVING CBN. i stayed behind and sold the house. can you say dejavu? only this time, there are twice as many kids LOL.

and now we are full circle...and he's headed TO CBN. and this is going to be a big change for all of us. the little guys have been a little bit ornary lately...maybe it has something to do with daddy leaving...or maybe they're just being bratty? but either way, we've been having lots of conversation and verbal reminders about attitudes & CHOICES.

when mommy or daddy tell them to DO SOMETHING, the answer needs to be an IMMEDIATE 'yes mommy,' or 'yes daddy.'

no arguing. no complaining. no justifying. just a heart of obedience. IMMEDIATELY.

and as i have these conversations with them, i cringe inside as i am faced with the hypocrisy of that expectation.

do I respond that way? i'd be LYING if i said yes.

i don't want to have to debate with my kid just to get them to do something that they KNOW they should be doing. i should be able to trust them to just DO IT. and they should be able to trust ME enough to know that I don't demand things from them that are too much for them. it's not like i'm asking my six year old to cut the grass...or asking my 15 year old to prepare a gourmet meal...the things i ask of them are things that i KNOW they are capable of...and if it's something that is a little beyond their norm, i teach them...i guide them...i HELP them...

Lord, help me to respond to you more quickly...more me to trust YOU. that you would NOT ask me to do something that you don't believe i'm capable of doing. and that if you see that i'm in over my head, you'll be right there to walk me through it.


Tuesday, January 25, 2011

B is for BEST

our home sits across the street from a city park. it's surrounded by a black iron gate. right at the entrance to our community, at the corner of the park, used to sit a quaint little sign that said CITY OF OAK RIDGE NORTH. it was surrounded by beautiful landscaping and it made me smile when i would drive by. it symbolized a hometown feel and i LOVED it.

one day, much to my dismay, they tore it down. GONE. just an empty space where it had been. this did not please me. my friend jana and i actually discussed writing letters of protest. lol.


why on EARTH would they tear it down?

there was nothing WRONG with it.

it was charming.

it was welcoming.

it represented something.

and it was GONE.

eventually i got over it :) there has been an empty space at that corner for about two years now.

that is, up until just a few weeks ago... the city is in the process of installing a new, high tech sign. it not only welcomes you to the community, but it tells you upcoming events and it even displays the weather. they aren't finished yet. it's not near as inviting to me. the other one was just so cute. but i'll give it a chance. it definitely needs some landscaping once they finish the wiring and stone work.

you may wonder what this has to do with ANYTHING :) but something clicked that day, as i drove past & a crane was lowering the new sign into position.

before the old sign was torn out, there was already a plan in place for something new. something fresh. something that had new facets...

the old sign wasn't just torn down. it was taken down to make room for the NEW sign. where we just saw an empty space, those who KNEW the plan saw the site of something BETTER.

may this be true as we move forward on our journey. may we learn the difference between GOOD, BETTER & BEST.

may we not be willing to be content with good. may we strive, instead, for best...not in terms of 'stuff.' i'm not talking a whole 'live your best life now' theology. i believe my best life ISN'T now. it isn't HERE. look at the life of Jesus...there was suffering. it's part of the package. i'm talking about wanting the best of HIS plans for me...for US...whatever that means, whatever that looks like.

but may we also remember that BEST typically comes with a higher price tag. it does not come without sacrifice.

help me, Lord, to be open to change. i trust that your plans are for my benefit...for the benefit of my entire family. may i live each day, trusting that you DO know BEST.


Monday, January 24, 2011


so, it was suggested to me that perhaps i should actually pay attention to my poor neglected blog and begin tracking this new journey we are on. and since i tend to forget my blog lately, i'm going to do this alphabetically, hoping it will help me stay on course.'

so A is for ADVENTURE.

the name wendy means WANDERER. some people have meaning to their names that seems so beautiful...not mine. mine just sounds LOST.

combine that with the fact that i have moved TWENTY SEVEN times in my twenty nine years (okay, one of those numbers is accurate, one isn't...hee hee) and you can see that i'm not crazy about being dubbed a WANDERER.

BUT i recently stumbled across this quote...a quote that somehow i've never heard before...and i'm very glad to know it exists...because i feel like it re-defines all of this 'wandering' i've been doing:

and i LOVE this. i love looking back and thinking that this wasn't just aimless wandering (well, maybe SOME of it might have been LOL) but it was WANDERING WITH A PURPOSE.

from the beginning of time...before i was born...God had already orchestrated all the days of my, i don't necessarily think he plotted out every thing that's happened to me (i mean, some of this stuff i have to take responsibility the time i turned my hair blue...or the time my baby sis & i decided to hitch a ride in a limo and were certain we would be kidnapped & murdered)...but even in those moments of sheer stupidity, He was THERE with us.

and soooooo, as we start this new adventure, i shall type...from my heart...and use this as a form of therapy to help me sort through the feelings...the emotions...because right now they are all jumbled and mixed.

the only thing...well, no...the only ONE that i am certain of is the God of this universe...who knows my name...who knows where i'm going...even though i don't...and i trust that if he has looked out for me before i was even born, he surely isn't going to stop now.

so God, if you hear me clicking away on this keyboard, know that i'm trying...know that i'm really, really okay with this. i have no doubt that you have purpose in this...and that I AM NOT LOST. you are leading us on. and i trust you. most of the time.


Tuesday, January 4, 2011

outwit, outplay, outlast...

it's the game of survival. and let's just say that i won this round :)

i'm working for a non-profit corporation that does SOOOOO much good year round, but we go into overdrive during the holidays. it's a ton of work, but it's also a ton of fun and they hired bobby (temporary, part time) to help out with all the holiday craziness. his unofficial job title was something on the order of christmas elf.

so when i saw ELF shirts on sale at target, i could not resist.

only problem was i knew he'd NOT BE CAUGHT DEAD IN ONE.

i bought it anyhow. and wrapped it up. and made my BOSS give it to him.

so he put it on. and wore it. ALL.DAY.LONG.

the BIG (well, actually she's quite tiny) boss even complimented him on it and when he told her that debbie bought it for him, she told debbie she should buy one for everyone.

and meanwhile i just sat quietly and snickered. ALL.DAY.LONG.

and now i'm laughing again...because christmas is over and so is the joke. and i won. he looked ridiculous for an entire day...and did it cheerfully...and i won. hee hee hee.