Monday, March 4, 2013

lost & found

it's been a day to remember.

 first thing this morning i found out that the grant proposal i submitted at my new job was approved to the tune of almost $7,700.

 later i had appointments for a dermatology visit and my first ever mammogram.  i told my daughter it's a sick, sick world we live in where i should have to PAY SOMEONE to look at my naked body and take pictures of my naked boobs.

anyhow, i came home and was starving.  since i don't have a wife to cook for me (lol) i opted for some golden grahams. i opened the box and went to pour some in my bowl. that's when i noticed something odd in the box. as i looked closer i realized it's a very special leather cuff bracelet that i got last year for Christmas.  a gift to me, from me :)


the quote has significant meaning to me. it comes from the following Tolkien passage:

All that is gold does not glitter,
Not all those who wander are lost;
The old that is strong does not wither,
Deep roots are not reached by the frost.
From the ashes a fire shall be woken,
A light from the shadows shall spring;
Renewed shall be blade that was broken,
The crownless again shall be king.

J.R.R. Tolkien, The Fellowship of the Ring

 my name is Wendy.  wendy means wanderer.  i used to HATE that...all that it implies.  lost.  wandering.  it conjures up images of chaos...that feeling when you're out there on the road...and you don't know where you are...and there ARE NO ROAD map, no GPS.  you're just LOST.  alone.  WANDERING.  Wendy.

i've spent much of my life feeling that way.  but a few years ago i stumbled across this awesome quote from Tolkien.  and it changed the way i view my name.

yes.  i have wandered.
yes.  i am a wanderer.
but i am a wanderer with purpose.
i purposefully wander.
and that's not such a bad thing.

but sometimes, even so, i've felt lost.
wondering who i am, where i am.
wondering if I should have turned left.
or right.
sometimes it has literally scared me to the point of being paralyzed.
i've LOST YEARS being frozen.
afraid to make a wrong move...
any move.

at a certain point you realize...if you don't move, you'll die.
right where you are.
so you stir up hope.
you tell yourself it's time.
you pray for discernment.
you pray for courage.
and you set out on the path again.

this is where i find myself.

i may appear to have wandered.
i may appear to be wandering.
but i still have purpose.
and i'm beginning to find my way again.

i saw the following quote last week and it really spoke to me.

and so as i finish out my day, i'm left feeling thankful.

THANKFUL to not be lost.
THANKFUL for things found.
THANKFUL for the discovery of things I didn't even realize were missing.

it's definitely been a day to remember.

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