he has left an impact on our family.
more than just the holes in our ceiling,
the ripping back of our roof,
the free-flowing water in our kitchen,
ike has also tried
to poke some holes in our trust,
has attempted to rip our faith apart,
has succeeded (at times) in dampening our spirits.
and YET, as the debris has been cleaned up and as cranes have done their jobs removing large trees that block our view, we have begun to see more clearly.
and what we see is that while there has been some TEMPORARY damage to our home, there has been ETERNAL structural repair happening in our hearts.
four and a half months ago, we closed on our new home. so thrilled to have put some closure to a really rough financial season. so relieved to 'settle in' to a HOME again, someplace that was OURS. so glad, especially for our children, to have come out the other side...to have weathered the storm.
and then, BAM...in one split second, everything changed.
and YET, as the debris has been cleaned up and as cranes have done their jobs removing large trees that block our view, we have begun to see more clearly.
and what we see is that while there has been some TEMPORARY damage to our home, there has been ETERNAL structural repair happening in our hearts.
four and a half months ago, we closed on our new home. so thrilled to have put some closure to a really rough financial season. so relieved to 'settle in' to a HOME again, someplace that was OURS. so glad, especially for our children, to have come out the other side...to have weathered the storm.
and then, BAM...in one split second, everything changed.
shattered bricks...
scattered thoughts...
adrenaline racing through each and every one of us.
the first days, for me, were filled with lots of laughter and a few tears.
but then, the more reality set in...the more i SAW what our neighborhood was looking like...the more it flipped...and there were LOTS of tears with just a little laughter.
i know i'm rambling, but i have to get all of this out.
those of you who know me well know that i have FOUGHT for YEARS to conquer the fear and anxiety that somewhere along the way had gripped me.
the first days, for me, were filled with lots of laughter and a few tears.
but then, the more reality set in...the more i SAW what our neighborhood was looking like...the more it flipped...and there were LOTS of tears with just a little laughter.
i know i'm rambling, but i have to get all of this out.
those of you who know me well know that i have FOUGHT for YEARS to conquer the fear and anxiety that somewhere along the way had gripped me.
it has not always been a pretty fight. it started shortly after austin was born (and he's almost 15 now). so it's been a LOOOONG fight. but i had TRULY come out the other side. it was done. history. all the fear, all the angst, all the anxiety was a thing of the past.
until the beanstalk fell. it all came rushing back. i tried to suppress it. i tried to shove it down, push it away. i think, if i must say so myself, that i was doing a FINE job at it.
until day four, post-ike.
until the beanstalk fell. it all came rushing back. i tried to suppress it. i tried to shove it down, push it away. i think, if i must say so myself, that i was doing a FINE job at it.
until day four, post-ike.
day three had been a day of searching for ice. and there WASN'T any. so it was VERY important, on day FOUR, that we find some.
bobby and i left the house early in the morning, headed for our local grocery store. we arrived and there was a long line, wrapped around the building. we grabbed a cart and took our place. but within seconds, the manager of the store came out and began telling everyone that they were out. they then told us another location to try.
when we got near the other location, the line of cars was backed up for MILES. and that's when things got ugly inside my head. panic was back as strong as if it had never left.
i tried to reason my way through it.
bobby and i left the house early in the morning, headed for our local grocery store. we arrived and there was a long line, wrapped around the building. we grabbed a cart and took our place. but within seconds, the manager of the store came out and began telling everyone that they were out. they then told us another location to try.
when we got near the other location, the line of cars was backed up for MILES. and that's when things got ugly inside my head. panic was back as strong as if it had never left.
i tried to reason my way through it.
i tried to pray my way through it.
i tried to talk my way through it (poor bobby) but to no avail.
eventually, bobby suggested that i just get out of the van and begin to walk...fresh air and all that jazz. he's a smart, smart man. it did the trick. i was able to just keep my body & mind busy while he inched his way through the line, waiting for FEMA volunteers to load up the van. it was only THEN that i was willing to get back in the van.
we were JUST driving away from the FEMA POD (point of distribution) when this song...a song i had never heard before...came on the radio, and i sobbed like a baby as i let the words wash over me, tears soaking my shirt.
we were JUST driving away from the FEMA POD (point of distribution) when this song...a song i had never heard before...came on the radio, and i sobbed like a baby as i let the words wash over me, tears soaking my shirt.
below are the lyrics:
If everything comes down to love
Then just what am I afraid of
When I call out Your name
Something inside awakes in my soul
How quickly I forget I'm Yours
I'm not my own
I've been carried by You
All my life
Everything rides on hope now
Everything rides on faith somehow
When the world has broken me down
Your love sets me free
When my life is like a storm
Rising waters all I want is the shore
You say I'll be ok and
Make it through the rain
You are my shelter from the storm
I'm not my own
I've been carried by You
All my life
Everything rides on hope now
Everything rides on faith somehow
When the world has broken me down
Your love sets me free
Everything rides on hope now
Everything rides on faith somehow
When the world has broken me down
Your love sets me free
You've become my hearts desire
I will sing Your praises higher
Cause Your love sets me free
Your love sets me free
Your love sets me free
and as i cried, the healing came. and i'm back in the fight. i wish i could say that it just fell away. it didn't. but i'm in this for the long haul and i have been told that i am being much too hard on myself...that my body & mind are just responding to a high pressure situation in a way that is NORMAL. and so i will press on and try to take it a day at a time...an hour at a time...a moment at a time if that's what it takes.
if you deal with me on a daily basis, please keep this in mind as you interact with me. i'm doing the best i can :)
HIS LOVE HAS SET ME FREE. and who the son sets free is FREE INDEED. (john 8:36).
if you've made it through this entire post, then i think you get an extra jewel in your crown when you enter the pearly gates LOL
7 comments:
i love you
you inspire me
=)
I've been sitting here, staring at the computer screen, trying to form my response. . .
What moves me the most about you, is how open and honest you are. Whether you know it or not, your faith is like a lighthouse, shining for all to see, even in the bad times. When you feel you are at your worst, God is using you still.
He has used you in my life more than you may ever know.
I am praying for you daily, my friend.
You should look up "Praise You in this Storm" on youtube. I have been thinking about it so much lately. It is something that is HARD to do.
But I am SURE that when God sees us praising him, even in the storm, he knows we will praise him no matter what. And you always find a way, a reason to praise him, no matter what life throws at you.
And THAT is why I love you so much.
girl, i am praying for you.
i know what it's like to lose sight of the prize. but thankfully, our Jesus never changes. he continually pursues us and he won't let us slip away.
love you!
I had chills up and down my arms and legs while reading this post. You are an inspiration, my friend.
This reminds me of an email written by Max Lucado......
The message is clear.
As long as Jesus is one of many options, he is no option. As long as you can carry your burdens alone, you don’t need a burden bearer. As long as your situation brings you no grief, you will receive no comfort. And as long as you can take him or leave him, you might as well leave him, because he won’t be taken half-heartedly.
But when you mourn, when you get to the point of sorrow for your sins, when you admit that you have no other option but to cast all your cares on him, and when there is truly no other name that you can call, then cast all your cares on him, for he is waiting in the midst of the storm.
XOXOXOXO thanks for the reminder.
keep your chin up and let faith guide you through this storm.
You're the best!!
time
Continued prayers Pink. Love you.
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